wicked games ► raven reyes

04 ► useless

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Josh was panicked, scared and hopeless. He knew he was going to get caught, but in no way did that stop him from running. That was the only thing he knew, running. Running away from his problems, trying to outrun his responsibilities. Obviously he failed at both, he failed everything. Not one test came back with a good grade, he couldn't even go down to buy bread without either stealing something or buying more then what was on the list.

He struggled with every single little thing he did. No one liked him, heck, no one even knew who he was. For the most part, Josh had been alone his whole life, and frankly, it was tearing him apart. His parents weren't there, they were. But they weren't really, not anymore... Having no one to talk to anymore, no one to laugh with or to cry. Though what he did by himself was cry. Night and day, constantly and without fail. Tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes, Josh was a mess.

Josh surprised himself more often than not, he didn't expect to lash out at the guards in the mornings, or repetitively hit the walls until his knuckles were bruised all over. Sometimes— a lot of the time actually—he scared himself. He was scared of what he had become. But he wasn't a monster, as some would say. He was just simply... scared. A scared boy. Vulnerable to almost everything. He knew that needed to change, his walls were too easily broken down, then they took too long to build back up, before he tore them back down again himself.

He didn't like himself, hell, his most constant thought was the thought of death. But did that bother him? ...Well, yes. In fact, it did, he didn't want to hate himself. He wished he could be proud, confident, things he was most definitely not. He only dreamed of being handsome, popular and respected. Sadly, he was the opposite of all three. A reason for the tears, the pain and the agony.

He didn't understand. What was wrong with him? What made him different? Why was he different? He never asked for anything in his whole life, not food, not money, nothing. He tried to keep quiet, to himself. So why the hell was he not the same? Why couldn't he just fit in? That's the only thing he wanted. To fit in, to be the same as everyone else. He hated standing out. It was the worst feeling.

One memory Josh had profoundly stood out from others, although it was nearly gone, it was from when he was thirteen. One year before he was locked away to die. He was walking into the class of earth skills, books in hand, tucked tight to his chest. He took a seat in the second row, the first desk on the right. He always sat there. A boy named Jasper Jordan sat next to him, he wore goggles, wide eyes and a big, goofy grin. His smile made Josh wonder when the last time he smiled was. Josh wasn't friends with Jasper, although he would've loved to be.

At this time, Josh obviously wanted Jasper to be his friend, so, he had leaned forward in his seat and turned his body to face Jasper, who was facing another boy. Josh reached out, his finger hovering for a moment, before he tapped Jasper's shoulder twice, gently, but hard enough for the boy to feel it. "Jasper?" Josh croaked warily.

He spun in his seat, eyebrows raised and mouth slightly ajar, he awkwardly smiled at the boy next to him before saying, "I'm sorry, but, do I know you?"

Josh swallowed down any last remaining confidence, bit his lip, shook his head and held his gaze down, looking into his lap. Jasper chuckled and turned back around. Josh was so confused, he had been in his class for two years! How could he not know who he was? Nothing made any sense in his life. This situation with Jasper caused him to wonder if anyone knew his name or if he was just a nobody. He decided with the latter. Of course he was a nobody, what else would he be?

And still, to this day, no one knew his name. They only knew him by bread boy, thanks to his former cellmate, the infamous spacewalker, Finn Collins. Spacewalker was his nickname back up on the ark, which he used a months supply of oxygen to go on an illegal spacewalk, hence the nickname. Although Josh knew the truth that had been kept quiet all these years. No one knew aside from Josh, Finn and his girlfriend, Raven.

Josh had always remembered the day Finn was imprisoned in with Josh.

"I'm getting locked up with someone who used a months supply of oxygen? Are you kidding me? Wow." Josh scoffed, trying to sound unimpressed. He knew the person getting locked up with him was a criminal, but he didn't think that this boy would've done something so illegal. For gods sake, Josh was arrested for stealing a bit of bread. This kid was getting locked up for stealing a bit of oxygen.

Three dull knocks echoed throughout the chamber, causing Josh's nerves to hit level 100. His head turned towards the door, the guard sitting with Josh stood, and placed his hands behind his back, puffed his chest out, seeming proud, Josh felt a twinge of jealously deep down. In walked a boy, Josh's age, with dark chocolate hair, longer than his. He didn't seem as rough looking, as terrifying as Josh pictured him to be. He seemed just... normal. Besides the angry glare etched on his face.

Josh gained the courage to look down at his own hands, which were shaking profusely, he squeezed them tightly to calm them. He gazed back up, his eyes as wide as the moon. Josh took it upon himself to stand, although his legs were trembling just as much as his hands were. He extended his hand.

Finn glared at Josh, who stammered, "Oh..." as he realised that Finn's hands were shackled behind his back. "Um... I'm, uh, I'm Josh."

"Finn."

Josh pulled his lips his into a line and looked over towards the guard who was standing beside him. Josh thought there were was nothing that could possibly be more awkward than this. He thought wrong. When the guards left, and it was just the two boys. Josh couldn't mutter a word without stuttering or his voice breaking on him.

"So, um..." his voice cracked. "You were, um... were arrested for, uh... stealing oxygen. Right?" Stutter after voice crack after stutter.

"Yes." Finn grunted. Josh tapped his feet against the cold floor.

After a couple minutes of awkward silence, Finn started a conversation for the first time. "What were you locked up for?"

"Um." came Josh's reply. "I stole." Was his response. It wasn't a lie, he just wasn't telling the whole truth.

Although they may have told each other a lot, Finn never really knew the whole truth behind why Josh was jailed all those years. Josh was always scared of what Finn would've thought of him, his family. What really happened. His family, those which bought back painful memories that caused Josh's heart to ache in sorrow. Finn knew most of it though.

His mom, his dad. He never got to say goodbye, he presumed they were dead. They probably were. But honestly, he couldn't care less. On the Ark, anything was possible. No matter how insane, they could've been running the ark right then and Josh wouldn't have known a thing. He was always so clueless.

Like Josh did best, he kept running.

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PUBLISHED: August 15th 2016
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I AM BACK FROM HIATUS ❤️
ALSO, Wicked Games reached 2K!!!!!!! thank you all so much for everything you've done to help me reach this!! lots of hints and secrets in this chapter ((;