Everyday was the same. Boring. Depressing. Lonely. The average life of a 15 year old teenager. It shouldn't have been lonely though, I was always surrounded by loving family and I had a doting boyfriend.
But it was lonely and nobody seemed to see that. They didn't see that I was a depressed teenager with self esteem issues and that there was a wild flare in my heart. My family saw just a teenager going through life like any other. I'm the youngest daughter with only one sibling, an older sister that was 2 years older than me. I felt like I was following right in her foot steps with everything that I was doing. Whether I liked the same interests as her or not, I seemed to do many of the same things that she did.
Not only that, but I was held to the same expectations, whether I had the same skills or knowledge about something. More specifically, my grades in school needed to be outstanding. It wasn't easy. I was always good in school, I did what I was supposed to. I did my homework and received good grades. But I was missing something in my life. Passion, unconditional love, mystery, adventures, fun...I felt like I had such a spark of fire in my heart, but no way of letting the flames free. I felt like a trapped bird, almost like I had clipped wings...Like I was flightless...
So this is where I turned to - Wattpad. I needed some way to express myself and keep myself occupied with more than just homework. At the age of 15, I couldn't really do much more than that. I couldn't go anywhere, I didn't have a license and neither did my friends. We were still youngsters. So I devoted my time to Wattpad. I wrote stories, which I never finished. I started conversations with people and created album artwork for others. And honestly, this is where the true story begins.
What I had thought was just another creation of artwork turned to something much more. I had created a thread in one of the community forums, letting other Wattpaders know that I was willing to create album artwork for them. Of course there were several writers that took that opportunity and I did my best to create something that they liked. But the one that really caught my attention was another Wattpader that was just straight mysterious to me. I created an artwork for him, and he liked it so much that he private messaged me after I sent it to him. He actually liked the covers I created and thanked me. Most of the others had not bothered to take the time to do so. He was just so nice and complemented me on what I had done. So, of course I fanned him (which is now called following). But anyway...I took the time to learn his real name and then we went our separate ways, but that didn't last long. He private messaged me again, asking for another cover. I couldn't and didn't refuse. He gave me a description of the story, but it wasn't enough, so I took that opportunity and checked out his profile along with the novel. And oh man, I should not have done that because all it did was make me more intrigued with him. He was dark, secretive, mysterious...and in a sense, he seemed dangerous. There was so many questions I wanted to ask, so many things I wanted to know or learn from him.
The cover was easy to make, I had it done before I went to bed that night. I knew that my interest was wrong. I had a boyfriend. We were together for 7 or 8 months, then I broke up with him. We ended back up together and we were going on 6 to 7 months again. But this guy on Wattpad sparked my interest. I knew I shouldn't have been interested, but I was.
My interest only increased from there. We began chatting on the instant messenger that Wattpad had at the time. I would come home everyday from school and log on to my account, hoping that he would be logged on as well. We talked almost every single day about nothing and everything. I ended my relationship with my boyfriend. And oh man, did that ever suck. I knew I had broken his heart, but I also knew that staying with him without having any feelings was worse. He needed to know the truth. I didn't feel the same about him as he did me. Of course, I cared about him. I would occasionally text him to see how he was doing, but he didn't want anything to do with me. Quite frankly, I didn't blame him.
This mysterious guy was with me through all of this. He knew what was going on in my life, how I was feeling, what I did that day, etc. And of course, I asked many things about him. It was saddening to learn that nobody else in his life seemed to just talk with him, to just have a conversation with him and to let him get his feelings out. He was only ever interrogated by the police or beat up by rival gangs. Yes, he was in a gang and I knew this when I was speaking with him. It didn't matter to me. That wasn't all of who he was. There was more to him than just that and I wanted to know every part of him. The good and the bad.
Like any other day, I logged onto Wattpad, but I wasn't greeted by an instant message from him. Instead, I got a message saying he was running. He was going to stow away on a cargo ship off to Germany. He said that the brotherhood was falling apart and his gang was starting to dominate, but he needed more danger and that's why he was leaving.
He left me his phone number, so of course I text him. Oh man, was I mad at him! He just unexpectedly left for another country. He could have gotten into some serious trouble, especially if he was caught. He eventually contacted me back by text. He was on the cargo ship, stowed away. He had to keep hidden, so sometimes I wouldn't hear from him because the crew would look for stow aways.
This is when our relationship really blossomed. Whether it was from me coaxing him or for other reasons, he came back to the U.S. From that point on, there wasn't a day that I didn't text him. I learned so many things from talking to him. My life was always so sheltered and unadventurous, so everything that he did or told me was so interesting and moving. He was inspirational.
He was the same age as me - 15 at the time. He did the best he could for his gang and his kids. And yes, kids. Just like him, kids were on the streets and he took them in. He provided for them, took care of them, and protected them. It seemed he was always thinking of others and taking care of others over himself.
His lifestyle was dangerous, he seemed dangerous. The things that he had done or could do, should have frightened me or scared me away from him. It didn't though. All it did was excite me more. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to be a part of his life. Of that life.
I know he probably wouldn't believed me if I had told him that, but that's okay because I was always telling him the opposite of that. I would say he shouldn't do that and explain the reasoning or even just tell him that I was worried for his safety.
It didn't take us long to have mutual feelings for one another. It was more than just the fringe lifestyle that he had that attracted me to him. For one, he was physically attractive, but he was also smart, intelligent, kind, sweet, attentive, considerate, adventurous, wild, loving, and many more things.
Everyday we would talk and we both knew that we had feelings for one another, so I had to ask where our friendship was going. What were we to one another? And I will always remember his answer. He had said that he thought we were already together, that we were already a couple...
