Not Just Any Love Story

All My Fault

   I’m sure you want to know how my father died and it’s all my fault. It was EXACTLY when I turned 9. On my birthday, he knew that I wanted some awesome new running shoes, not a certain pair of shoes but I just wanted running shoes. Since we, were poor I had to use some raggedy old shoes that used to belong to my grandma when she was a runner. Well I had a small party and my friends from school came over. My dad had gone to get me a birthday present. I didn’t know he was going far to get me what I wanted. What I wanted wasn’t important and anything my dad got me would’ve been great because I love him and he’s my daddy!

   He was driving, he drove far just to get me a pair of running shoes. While driving back home, he already had pair of shoes with him. He was only a mile away from home, when a drunk driver’s truck crashed into the side of my dad’s car. My father died in that accident. The other driver went to jail, and is still in jail. When I heard what happened, I ran outside ready to run into the street and kill myself.

   My mom ran after me. And grabbed my arm. She told me that it’s ok! That I didn’t have to kill myself. I was crying and I couldn’t stop. When I heard that he came back from a shoe store, and the police noticed because he was driving with a new pair of shoes on his lap, I knew it was my fault. I was yelling I wanted to end my life already. 

   “I can’t live without my daddy! It’s all my fault! IF I WASN’T SO SPOILED HE WOUDN’T HAVE GOTTEN THOSE SHOES FOR ME!” “No, it’s not your fault.” My mom told me, trying to calm me down. “He got you those shoes on his own will.” “ But I told him that one day I wanted running shoes! JUST LET ME DIE! IT’S ALL MY FAULT YOUR HUSBAND DIED! IF YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH JUST LET THE ONE WHO GOT HIM KILLED DIE SO YOU CAN GET REVENGE!”

   “NO!” At that moment she got really serious.  “It’s not your fault! It’s my fault! We are so poor because of me! I can’t make enough money to get you things that you need! It isn’t your fault!” At that moment I didn’t want her to blame herself. I was just making things worse. If I kept this up, my mother would’ve killed herself and would’ve felt guilty for MY death. I acted like I was ok, but inside I felt fear, I felt miserable because I knew it was my fault.