She doesn't know when it began. The feelings of worthlessness. Self doubt. Pity. The feeling that she can do no right. The feeling of being pulled into a vortex of emotions that she can not control. The feeling of no longer caring.
These feelings, so consuming they threaten to pull her down, and drown her in her thoughts and fears.
Perhaps it was the moment he called her a slut for dancing in a club with friends or the guilt he made her feel for wanting a life, friends, a job. Perhaps it stemmed from her childhood, her younger years when she couldn't seem to keep a friend. Or perhaps it began in high school when one of the popular boys pretended to like her and date her. As a joke. Or when she was always the second choice, the back up option to her friends.
She doesn't know.
It's been too long now to tell and she's just a shell of the woman she used to be, of the woman she could be. But she hides it well. Behind the mask of fake smiles and laughter, she is treading water, just trying to stay afloat. Behind the mask is woman in pain, living in constant fear of disappointing the ones around her. Of becoming a failure.
She doesn't know when it began, but she knows when it stopped.
*****
Warning
This is a work of fiction.
It touches on the following sensitive topics and may not be suitable for all readers...
Depression
Anxiety
Self Harm
OCD
Alcohol Abuse
Emotional Abuse
There will be strong language and sex scenes.
If any of this is affects you or someone you know in anyway please reach out and speak to someone. A friend, family member, a professional or even me.
You are not alone
