Remember Me.

05

The flatline begins to rise and fall with his heart beat. I let out a breath that I had been holding.
I push through the doctors and nurses to grab his hand. I rest my forehead on it, kneeling on the ground.
His hand squeezes mine and I look up at him, the doctors and nurses already gone. His eyes are still closed but his hand holds mine tightly.
"Patrick?" I ask. He squeezes my hand again, his eyes moving under his eyelids.
"Patty open your eyes please."
His eyes open slightly and then shut. He blinks rapidly before his eyes meet mine. His gown is still open and pulled down, exposing his chest with new red marks from the paddles.
He catches my gaze and looks down at his chest. His hand touches the markings and he flinched in pain. I grab his hand and hold it.
"You scared me." I tell him.
"I'm sorry." he says. I kiss his hand and smile.
The doctor walks in and smiles.
"Oh good. You're both here. I have some good news. You can go home today." he says happily.
I smile and Patrick and see him looking concerned.
"What's the matter Patrick? Didn't you hear him? You can go home." I tell him.
"I don't have a home anymore. I don't have anyone." he whispers.
"Yes you do. You have me. I'll take care of you."
"What about Chris?" he asks.
"We broke up."
"Because of me?"
"No. Not because of you. The whole world doesn't revolve around you ya know." I say jokingly. He smiles and looks at the doctor.
"We will give you a wheelchair to keep. We have many donated ones to choose from. I will bring in the best we have." I nod at the doctor and he walks out to get the chairs.
Patrick stares at the ceiling again, gritting his teeth.
"What's the matter?" I ask. He ignores me. "Look Pat, I know it seems scary but we can get through thi-"
"Stop!" he shouts, glaring at me. "Stop saying we can get through this. You didn't loose function in your legs. I did. Not you. It's me. Not we. So stop saying that! Stop acting like everything is going to be okay! It's not! Okay? Stop acting like you know what I'm going through. You don't! So just stop!"
He looks up at the ceiling again and I stand, tears in my eyes. I turn to walk out the door and he stops me.
"El, wait." I stop and stay facing away from him. "I'm sorry. Alright?" I turn to face him.
"You know what Patrick? I didn't have to stay. I could've left. I could've gone home and forgotten about you. But I didn't. Because I care about you. But you make it so hard! You make it so hard for me to care about you." I cry out, breaking down. He stares at me sadly and reaches his hand out.
I walk over and take it, he pulls me down toward him so I am laying on the bed.
"But your ribs." I say.
"I can't feel any pain right now. Just let me hold you." he says. I lay my head on his chest and let him rub my back soothingly.
The doctor knocks on the door and I stand up.
"Come in." Patrick says.
The doctor walks in with two male nurses. They roll in a bulky looking chair with them and put it by the bed.
"This is one of our best chairs. You see, it has an attachable control stick. You put it on the arm of the chair and you can move yourself to wherever you want to go." the doctor says, motioning to the stick. Patrick nods.
"Are you ready?" the doctor asks.
Patrick nods and pushes against the bed to sit up. The nurses walk over and unhook him from the machines. They pick him up and place him carefully in the chair.
"I will send you a list of our best in house nurses. They will stay with Patrick from 7 in the morning till 7 at night. Just to help him out." The doctor tells me. "I will walk you through the essentials of what they know in case of emergency. Stuff like how to empty a catheter and how to operate a lift for when he needs bathing."
I nod and look at Patrick. He is staring at the ground and I can tell by the way the muscle in his jaw is sticking out that he is upset. I place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it.
"We have also donated a wheelchair accessible van. We will walk out with you and show you how to strap him into the van."
He hands me a list of names of people and their work history.
"Here is our in house nurse list. You should probably pick one by this evening so they can be at your house by morning."
I hand it back to him.
"You probably know better than I do which one is best qualified. You pick." I tell him. He nods and hands the list to a nurse and tells him which one.
"Ring Peter. Tell him he has a job." The nurse nods and walks out.
Patrick tests out his new chair by driving it toward the door and then turning around.
"Smooth huh?" the doctor asks smiling.
Patrick just stares at the floor, not saying anything.
"Thank you." I tell the doctor. He nods and walks out.
"Whenever you're ready to be shown how to strap him into the van, we can go."
I look at Patrick and grab his hand. He looks at me with sad eyes.
"My life will never be the same." he whispers.
"Let's go home." I tell him, squeezing his hand. He nods and I turn the chair to manual and begin to push his chair out of the hospital.