My knees felt weak. I fell to the ground, grabbing his hand.
"Joey, keep your eyes open, don't close them!!" I screamed.
I could hear the sirens in the distance. They were getting closer, but not close enough.
"God Joey don't leave me!"
I held his hand and squeezed it tightly and told him everything was going to be okay.
I thought about the time when we were at the carnival, and he was scared to go in the Ferris wheel. I told him it was okay and held his hand. As we got to the top he squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. He told me it wasn't too bad and that he liked it. He slowly let go of my hand as he looked at the dark skyline with building lights lighting it up. "It's so pretty" he told me. His 6 year old eyes have never seen something so beautiful.
Now here we are 4 years later, 3 days after his 10th birthday. Me holding his hand this time. Me squeezing his hand this time. Why did this happen? All because I had to get involved in something stupid, something I couldn't control.
He squeezed my hand back giving me more flashbacks. And as he let go, his last breath escaped from his mouth.
"Joey! Somebody help!"
I screamed thinking it would help. Thinking that he would magically wake up. It wasn't helping, nobody was coming to help. I wiped my tears from my eyes and laid my head on his fragile and cold chest. I let more tears fall out of my eyes and onto his favorite blue shirt. How could I do this to him? The only one who ever loved me.
The sirens were closer than ever, but not close enough. The paramedics ran out of the ambulance with their first aid kit that wouldn't do anything. They slid next to us and felt his non existent pulse. He started to pump his chest. Hoping for his mouth to let go of one more breath. The other one wrapped his arms around me, pulling me away from my brothers body. I screamed and pulled away from the paramedic. I collapsed onto my brother, tears running down my face, wrapping my arms around him. I felt the paramedics arms around me again, it almost felt like Joey's, but I couldn't resist his strength. He wrapped his arm around me telling me everything was going to be okay, even though I knew it wasn't going to be. I paced in front of the ambulance as the paramedic that was trying to resuscitate my brother walked over. He looked at the other one and shook his head.
I sat down on the edge of the truck, and wiped away my tears. I just sat there. Overthinking everything. What I could've done different, how I could've stopped this, how I just let him get shot.
The paramedic that walked me over here came over and sat next to me.
".. I'm sorry .. But I have to ask yo..."
"Ask me what? How this happened? I let him get shot and it's all my fucking fault." I interrupted.
"Woah woah woah, who shot him?"
"That's not your business."
He stood up and walked away. By this time the cops pulled in. I continued to sit there in despair.
I felt a hand on my arm, but I didn't flinch.
"Hello? Miss?"
I stared blankly at the trees in the distance, trying not to set my eyes on what I have done.
"Miss? I have a few questions for you."
"I've already answered enough."
I managed to get out of my mouth before the tears came pouring down again. My eyes started to water, I inhaled deeply and exhaled 3 seconds later and the tears were gone.
"Are you okay?"
The three words I hated most. Those three words hold so much meaning. It's like the person genuinely cares, when they really don't. They just want to seem like a good person, when they're actually snapping you in half, becoming the worst of them all.
"Yup I'm fine and dandy."
"Sorry that was a bad question to ask."
Obviously.
"You think?"
The police officer stood next to me in silence for a good 5 minutes until he muttered, "How did this happen? We need a statement."
"Can we talk somewhere else, instead of in the middle of the park where everything went to shit?"
He nodded and showed me to the police car. The drive back was quiet and deadly.
