Darkest Fears

Chapter Twelve

I knew she hated crying.

But I couldn’t help it. I’d been scared.

“I-I-” I couldn’t get past the lump in my throat as I tried desperately to calm down, so that she would stop giving me the look of disgust.

“Oh for heaven’s sake.” She said through clenched teeth, her hand tightening in frustration. “Stop mumbling. Chin up and speak normally.”

I followed her instructions, straightening my posture, and biting down hard on my bottom lip so hard that I could feel blood, pouring into my mouth from where my teeth had pierced the skin.

“I couldn’t find you.” I rushed to explain. “I got scared-”

That had been the wrong thing to say. Her hand tightened again as she glared at me. “What have I told you Kayleigh?”  She asked tightly, but she didn’t give me any time to say the answer before she gave me it. “You’re not a kid anymore. You need to grow up.”

I nodded my head solemnly. This was my fault. I was being childish. She had every right to be mad at me right now.

“I’m sorry.” I said in a plea, begging for her forgiveness. “I thought something bad had happened to you.”

She glared at me. “I was just across the street for ten minutes.” She rolled her eyes at me. “And if you hadn’t gotten distracted by the stupid flowers you would have seen where I was going.”

She pointed down to the daisies that had made me stop and stare only a few minutes ago.

“Daisies are your favourite.” I said in a quiet voice. “I wanted to pick some for you.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t talk so lowly. And I don’t want flowers Kayleigh. If I had wanted flowers I would have picked them myself.” She pointed out sharply.

I lowered my head and nodded. “I’m sorry.” I repeated.

She gave no acceptance to my apology. “Don’t you ever embarrass me like that again.” She ordered instead. “Imagine if someone else had found you like that.” She shuddered. “What would they think of me? Raising a child who just cried at everything. That’s so humiliating.”

I felt my chest tighten as she went on about how embarrassed she was by me.

 I didn’t try apologising again, because it would only make her angrier with me. I didn’t want her to be any more furious than she already was.

-_-

I clenched my jaw. If she saw me now she would be even more ashamed.

I was eighteen now and I was acting no better than I had all those years ago. The same feeling of loneliness and fear were gripping at my stomach. The only difference now was I had learnt not to cry.

I wouldn’t do that again. Not since that day.

For weeks after that day my mother had been too annoyed at me to even speak a word in my direction.

I hated that I was reacting this way.

So what if he had finally stopped talking to me? It shouldn’t have such an effect on my emotions. I shouldn’t be feeling this measly, guilty even, because of someone like Jayden Parker.

I tightened my arms around my knees, clenching my jaw.

It shouldn’t mean anything to me that we weren’t talking. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t.

God I was so pathetic.

I wanted to hit myself. What was worse was that I was now running from him. Instead of going to our English Literature lesson I was hiding away in the courtyard, waiting for enough time to pass that I wouldn’t have to see him today.