daydream. // jalec + malec

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    Alec belonged with Magnus. These words rang out in his brain until his ears began to ring, and as he stared at the cracked tile of the ceiling above Alec understood something that he had been denying ever since he had laid down with Jace. He missed him. He missed the way Magnus loved him, missed the feeling of being someone's everything, but more importantly, Alec missed the way he felt when he was with Magnus, as if all of the stars and planets had aligned and all was okay in the world, that a single kiss from the warlock could erase all of the planet's evil and make everything right again.

    It was ironic, Alec thought, that when he had first started dating Magnus what felt like a lifetime ago, everytime he would touch him, he would imagine Jace instead. He had thought that loving anyone besides Jace Wayland was impossible, that he would spend the rest of his life miserable due to the pain of not being able to be with the one he wanted most. Things had changed since then, both in Alec's mind and his heart, and he had been so caught up in loving someone who would never feel the same way that he had ignored what was right in front of him. He had ignored how special Magnus was, how beautiful, how truly magical he was.

    "Jace," Alec said suddenly, and Jace murmured a reply against his hair, his fingers tightening instinctively against his own, as if he knew what was coming. "Jace, I can't do this."

    "What do you mean, you can't do this?" There was a bitter edge to Jace's voice now, and Alec flinched instinctively. "I must not have heard you correctly."

    Alec shook his head, as if the action would rid his mind of the worries and fears currently plaguing it. "No, Jace, you heard me correctly. I can't do this. This isn't right, and--I need to leave. I need to be with Magnus."

    Jace pulled back, and his eyes flashed with rage. "You don't need to be with anyone but me. Isn't this what you wanted?" His lips curled up into a smirk. "Aren't I what you wanted? What was it that you told me last night..." he brought a finger to his chin in contemplation, remembering. "Oh, that's right. You told me that no matter what happened, you would never stop loving me. Did you lie, Alec? Did you lie to me?"

    Alec struggled to free himself, but it felt as if there were invisible chains holding him in place. "No, Jace, but I--I love Magnus. You know that." He paused, wincing against the sharp pain that began radiating throughout his chest, a burning sensation that resembled a knife dipped in scalding flames being pressed against his bare skin. "If you'd think about it, Jace, you'd realize that you don't love me. You love Clary, and she loves you."

    "Clary," Jace rolled his eyes. He was sitting on the end of the bed now, staring down at Alec with amusement evident on his chiseled features. "Clary is my sister, Alec. I can't love her."

    "You do, though," Alec's breath was ragged and uneven, and he felt as if with every second that ticked by, another ounce of precious oxygen was being snatched from his lungs, rendering him speechless and breathless. He knew he should scream, for Isabelle or his parents or even Clary, but then again, what would he say if they came for him? That Jace had gone insane and was trying to tell him that he was in love with him? "You love Clary more than you've ever loved anyone. You can try and tell me that the conversation we had about her in Washington was a lie, but you and I both know it wasn't. You meant every word. I could see it in your face."

    Jace chuckled, but it was no longer his laugh. It was dark, like the howl of a demon, and as he leaned towards Alec once more, he was shocked and frightened to find that his eyes were pitch black, an endless tunnel of midnight and evil and death. "You don't know who I love, Alec," his lips were inches from Alec's now, and in an act that completely went against everything he had desired for countless years, he turned away in disgust. "and I'm sorry that you can't understand that I want you."