Being young

Part 2: Chapter 7

Beyoncé POV

"Jay, I'm scared" I admitted. We had reached his house not too long ago but instead of going inside we sat out in the car talking for a bit. His car was warm and cosy as we laid in the back seats. Him with his head up on the window and his knees up in the air in attempt to fit all of him on; I was laying on top of him with my chest on his and my legs either side of him before my ankles interlocked in the gap beneath the back of his knees and the seat.

"Of what?" He looked down at me and used the back of his had hand to brush some hair out of my face as he stroked my cheek. I pushed my face further into his hand feeling warmth radiate off it and I pecked it lightly before looking back up at him.

"What if Solange dies? What if Michelle and Kelly are really being hurt? What if Nicki looses the baby or something bad happened? What if I'm not allowed to see you any more?" He smiled lightly and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me into him tighter.

"Stop with the what if's. Whatever happens, happens. There's nothing you can do about that, nothing in the world would ever stop me from seeing you and things will get better. Nicki and Meek have been blessed with a child, think about all the people who want children but-" He stopped himself in his sentence as he saw tears swelling up in my eyes. He closed his eyes briefly and sighed while I bit down on my bottom lip and cried gently,

"people who can't have children? Like me?" I asked him, I sat up off his body and climbed into the passenger seat of the car. He climbed forward after me into the drivers seat and took my hands in his.

"Yes, people like you" He began, "People who will find it difficult to have children. The child they are going to have will be a gift from god. The same way the child that you will have will be a gift from god. Even if you have to work harder at it, maybe adopt. Children are still gifts and if God wants them to have a baby then they will have a baby and you don't need to worry about that" He placed his hand on the side of my face forcing me to look at him. He wiped my tears with his thumb and leaned forward to kiss my lips. "As for Kelly and Michelle. Part of life is going through tough times, all you can do is be there for them and advise them when they need it. You can't control everything." I smiled lightly and nodded my head. I was still scared, scared of everything. Scared of not being in control again, scared of the unknown. All of these things happening at once and I don't understand any of them fully, I don't understand why or when it all started. I don't understand a single thing.

"We should go inside. It's getting cold and dark" I pointed out. He agreed and climbed out of the car the helping me out and before we even had a chance to begin walking toward the house we heard a small voice yell,

"Shawnie!" Annie came running over to us and hugged Jay, practically throwing herself into his arms before looking over at me and frowning. "I'm angry at you BB" She rested her head in his shoulder still frowning at me. I pouted at her and asked,

"Why?" She did grow to like me very much before Shawn left so I didn't see why or how she could possibly be angry at me.

"You never come and see me. There's no one to come and watch me at my dance class, no one reading to me. When Shawnie left that was your job but you never come" She sniffed as we walked toward the house and I rested my hand on the side of her head the same way Jay had done to me moments ago.

"Honey, I didn't know you wanted me to do those things" I told her. She sighed and shook her head before whining a little more.

"I thought it was obvious" She looked down and I lifted her head to look at me,

"I promise to come and see you more. Okay? I'll come to as many of your dance classes as I can and I will read to you if I have time but I gotta spend time with my little sister too" I opened my arms for her and she reached out to me causing Jay to smile and hand her over. She wasn't a baby but very small for her age which made her much easier to carry than you would assume.