CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO -- PHI (Edited)

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PHI'S POV

I flew as far away as I could, but decided to go back. I had fled for self-preservation, but I really did not want to leave my people behind. I was my father's legacy. I had his powers running through me. I had to save my people, to honor him. Otherwise, I wouldn't be worthy of such powers.

I was relieved to see that a part of me, the biggest part, was still me. I hadn't changed. Not really. Certainly, I felt something evil in me, but it was dormant. For now.

The Evil King didn't succeed.

However, as I arrived near the Hidden Land, evil began to stretch in me, like a waking feline. The pull to the dark side was stronger. My heart desired pain. The pain in others. I realized I was not going to be able to go farther.

What in the hell do I do now? How can I save my people if I can't go to them?

I spent the night at the high end of a tree. I hoped that a solution would come to me in my dreams, that the giant spider or someone would give me advice. No one did. I dreamed of an oppressing darkness, of nothing.

Light only came the following morning, when the sun once again rose and the birds of the forest sang to welcome a new day. I ruffled my feathers, and then preened them. At least I still looked good.

My eyes wandered around. Two bodies laid on each side of a recent fire. My heart leapt. I dove off my branch and settled on the ground near them.

"Halia," I said, softly. "Wake up." She was deep asleep and did not respond. I shook her, wiped the dew off her forehead and hair. "Halia," I repeated.

She opened her eyes and planted them in mine.

"Phi!" she said. "Oh, Phi, we've been looking for you." She smiled.

"I am glad you escaped," I said with a feeble voice.

"We have to go back!" Halia said. "Domovoy stayed behind to help the others, but I doubt he will be successful. They are all being kept prisoners!"

"I know—I felt it."

"What do you mean?" she asked, although she already knew the answer.

Halia and I shared the same kind of connection. We both knew what each other felt, and what we thought, to some extent. She just hoped that what we felt for each other was more than our union, she wanted it to be special. It was wishful thinking, and the evil in me was exasperated by it. Hah, as if I had those kind of feelings for her! I frowned. Wait, where is this coming from? Halia is my friend.

"I can feel his anger and thirst for revenge," I explained, trying to ignore the annoyance I felt. I couldn't be mean to Halia. "I can think like him and predict what he will do next. Keeping our people prisoner forces me to return. He plans on killing one of our people every day until I do."

I sat beside Halia and held my knees in my arms, rocking myself. I didn't know what to do.

If I go back to the fortress, he will keep me and my people under his powers.

At least that was the original plan, but I knew it wasn't so anymore. Out of revenge, he wanted to kill us all.

If I don't go back, all my people will die in a matter of a few days. I would be free, but I'm not that selfish. Am I?

All this left a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Everything will be fine," Halia said, even if I could feel she was not sure herself.

She sat up, encircled me with her arms, and planted a kiss on my cheek. She was hoping I would see the depth of her feelings for me.

I knew how she felt. Doesn't it matter what I feel? By the Mother, she is being the selfish one!

I took some deep breaths to temper my anger. Stop thinking this way. I pulled back and looked at sweet Halia. She smiled again.

Would I be happy? Can any of us be happy now?

A fleeting memory crossed my mind—Feyn—whom I had met near here, outside of the Hidden Land. I forced myself to forget about the thought and, realizing I hadn't given any answer to Halia's affection, I raised an arm and circled her back.

She sighed at my touch, as if she had been longing for it.

Poor, clueless creature, I thought. Stop it! I hated fighting the evil thoughts. It was exhausting.

"Phi! There you are!" I heard Tönx's sleepy voice say behind us. "We've been looking for you everywhere."

I let go of Halia's embrace and pulled myself up. The water spirit rubbed his eyes and stretched by bringing both his arms above his head.

"But I am the one who found you," I said with a grin.

"Sure. After we made it easy for you by sleeping here in the open—whatever the case, now that we found each other, we have to go back." His face turned serious. "We have to help our people."

"I'm not sure I can go back," I said. "I'm not sure it will do them any good."

"You have to do something. Now that you are married to him, you share his powers. You can take him down."

"You don't understand. The closer I am to him, the less I feel like myself. I become more like him."

"You have to try," he insisted. "We can't just let them rot in there."

"Actually," Halia said, repeating what I had told her earlier. "The Evil King will kill our people one by one until Phi returns."

Tönx grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the Hidden Land. "We have to go! We have to help them!"

We crossed the border, maybe thirty feet only from where we were, and my face distorted in pain. I wanted to hurt him, hurt anyone around me. I wanted to be evil. I wanted to punch the worried look off Tönx's face, tell Halia to grow up. A part of me couldn't wait to find those little fairies and –

So many thoughts and that was only a few steps into the Hidden Land. I could not imagine the hold it would have on me if I made it to the fortress.

"Leave her alone," Halia said as I went to sit in the shade of a maple tree to calm down. Unable to go forward, unable to go back. "Don't you understand?" she told the water spirit. "Even if she goes back, our people are doomed."

"And you want us to do nothing? Let them die?"

"I am not saying that," she snapped. "We'll think of something. All I know is that this is not the way. Phi is not strong enough."

She helped me get up and led me back outside of the Hidden Land. My features softened. Once again, I felt a little more like myself—despite the despair.

I had to find a way, but my mind was only going in endless circles. I couldn't think of anything that didn't end in the death of our people.

"You're right," Tönx said to Halia. "We cannot ask that of her. She is not the same Phi we used to know. The effect the Evil King has on her is clear—just look at her red eyes."

Red eyes? I had felt my eyes sting, burning, but I didn't know they had changed at all.

I ran to a nearby creek to look at my reflection, but the current wrinkled the surface and I could not see myself. With an open hand, I lifted water off the stream and watched my reflection in the ball of water. A set of red eyes stared back at me.

It's true. I will never be myself again.

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