Ending Innocence (boyxboy)

Chapter Fifteen

“Do not fight it, Luca. Trust in me. You don’t need to anything but trust me in.”

“I trust you nonnino, ti amo,” I whisper, uselessly.

He smiles ruefully at me. “Ti amo, Luca. You always know I love you. You, my boy, are my boy, my precious boy. I would never wish you harm or sadness. So be happy. Be happy with the boy who gives you his heart.”

“Do you like Caden? What do you think of him, nonnino? I want to know.”

“I think the boy loves you,” he says, “He loves you very much. I believe he would do anything for you. I see it, you see, when you were first brought in to the hospital, he never leaves once, he stays. I don’t know much about teenage boys anymore, not as much as I like to claim. But he reminds me of me, when I first met your nonnina.” I smile at him for saying that. “Luca, at the end of the day, love is what drives us. And I know without a doubt, that boy loves you. I see it in his eyes, in the way he smiles at you.”

Clearing my throat, I ask him, “Is it as obvious I love him?”

He laughs, loudly. Is it because the question is stupid or because he doesn’t want to answer? “Luca, you look at that boy like he is the only one in the room. I would say you are both, eh, even, when it comes to that.”

The thought is surprisingly comforting. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like the idea of showing my emotions so freely. But at the same time, I don’t want people thinking I dislike Caden. I love him with all my heart and I wish I could be what he needs me to be, not just another person. Unfortunately, I am not a very confident person, and I cannot change who I am overnight. Maybe he’ll get tired of me eventually, but for now, I will do my best to show him as much love as I can. He’s already accepting things, albeit with pity and sympathy. But it’s not running away, so I guess I will learn to accept it with time. Or maybe his perception of me will change and he won’t see me as a weak victim. One can only hope.

“Give the boy time, I’m sure we all did thing we regret back then. It’s only natural to hurt for the ones you love.”

I gasp, feeling my heart beating faster. “You know?” I ask with a tremor in my voice.

He nods, looking non-judgemental. “Your brother tells me things when I ask. But I can see it in the boys actions now, the way he acts around us, watching us. I think he suspects we might all hurt you, and in many ways it is a very, very good thing.”

“He shouldn’t suspect any of you, none of you did anything wrong. But I guess I get why he does… I just wish,” sighing, I look away.

“You just wish what?” He prods.

“I wish I didn’t have to tell anyone. I wish there was nothing to tell. Caden’s been great, why he loves me is anyone’s guess. But I just wish there was nothing that made me different, made me pitied. Michael… He… He hated me so much and I hate that I wasn’t loved by him. As a kid, I wanted to be loved by him, and when I wasn’t, it didn’t matter as much to me as it should have. I just didn’t want everyone else suffering, and that’s what ended up happening.” My emotions pour out of my mouth. The frustration I feel slips out, verbal diarrhoea was never something I suffered with, but right now, I can’t stop it.

Nonnino sees my frustration, he tries to calm me, but nothing he can do works. I ramble on about how unfair it all is. I blurt out how bad I feel about myself. Tears soon follow, falling from my eyes onto my cheeks, the bed, and nonnino. He places his hand over my mouth, cutting off the words coming from my mouth and he pulls me closer to his body. He climbs onto the bed, cuddling me like a small child. With everything finally bubbling over, I begin to sob into his chest. It feels as if all I do is cry.