Stories of My Life

Birthday Social Experiment: "Welcome to Adulthood"

I've heard that the way you spend the first day of your adult like will reflect how you spend the rest of your life. How true this might hold is impossible to say but I will admit that majority of life's struggles are caused through mentality over physicality. 

Ever since my 8th I have had a never ending streak of shitty birthdays. I wish I was exaggerating and could say that I have had a great birthday but I haven't. Something about me has been damned to not be able to enjoy a birthday. But here I go, telling my damn story. 

First thing's first...(and if you thought of "I'm the realist" as the next phrase, I see you!) Anyways, to my Tumblr followers who enjoy and look forward to these annual posts about how shitty my birthday is, y'all are the best! My misery or thoughts maybe help you get off or something but you still pay more attention to me than any guy (or girl) would ever give me. To my close friends who know why I get depressed, I'm finally revealing the cause to the public and thanks for being there in these times. To everyone else who is just curious for juicy deets, you came to the right place.

I'm hella crazy. I am also a depressed little piece of shit that somehow likes being miserable. (I mean, let's face it...if I didn't like it, I would announce to the whole world that today is my special day and I would also make sure I have plans so I can get distracted and enjoy what a birthday is supposed to be about. But I don't).

The worst place to be is alone with your mind. I'm usually drowning in a sea of my thoughts, that's why I always try to do something to get distracted from them. I swear i'm not cynical, this is just what depression is and does to a person. There are days where you have to push through it and make something positive from the crap that piles on your plate.

Let's get this show on the road!

The Anniversary of the Day I escaped the Womb

Anyways...today is my birthday; specifically my 20th birthday: the transition of teenagedom to (I guess what people like to call) "adulthood". (I'm just here going through bits of it like "nah I got a taste of it and it was shit, could I just not?") It hasn't been working so here I am again, getting dragged through it haha.

Alright so birthdays are never the best thing, I mean unless you have a shitton of actual caring friends that buy you balloons, flowers, presents (the usual shit) and take you out?, I never had any of that I usually spent my birthday alone because nobody knew and/or nobody cared. ("So sad", "bullshit", "pity party" -whatever thoughts that are coming out because of that statement, go ahead and ask me about my last 12 birthdays and I will humour you with my life.) Anyways, moral of the sob story is that I have had shitty birthdays. Moving on with the point...

I get emotional. Everyone does, and I get pissed at myself when I do. If I am showing an emotion that isn't happiness, it kills me. I hate acting like a human, I'm not supposed to have other emotions but I miserably do. The buildup to my birthday is always nice, I make plans, get excited and post on social media that my day is almost here. Then the day actually comes and I regret all that excitement and start resenting it.

February twenty-eight, two-thousand sixteen

(Around midnight) I smoked a bowl with a random stranger and I got philosophical about shit. (Classic Mish.) After that I ordered pizza, wings, and watched a new show on Netflix that made me reflect on my own life decisions. I went to bed around 3 am crying. Reality.

I really hoped for some midnight texts or calls but nothing. I don't have considerate people like that in my life. I'm the person who does it though. Always know that I care, it's both a burden and a gift.