As the guards threw Donkey and Puss into the cold jail cell, they could hear Prince Charming's evil laughter echo down the empty halls. This was it. They were to be executed in the morning, where their heads would be chopped off. Donkey was already crying and being a total fucking nuisance, while Puss was using his claws to pick the lock of the metal chains bound to his wrist. In seconds, the clatter of the heavy metal restrictions echoed through the hall, but no one payed attention because this is Shrek and I fucking said so. Donkey looked up, the tears that were streaming down his face now stopped. His breathing wasn't heavy or anything and his eyes weren't watery. What an asshole.
"Puss!" the literal Ass said. "You're already out?"
The orange cat rolled his emerald eyes and smoothed out the fur where the chains were. "Obviously. Donkey, we've known each other for years now I've used that trick hundreds of times before." the feline said in his suave Mexican accent.
Donkey sat there in realization like the fucking idiot he was and replied with an empty-minded "Oh yeah," Puss rolled his eyes and started walking through the jail cell bars because he was a cat and the bars were extremely far apart. They were so far apart, Donkey could have probably squeeze through if he didn't have to be a damsel in distress all the god damn time and grew a brain.
Donkey looked up and saw his friend already out of the cell and panicked. "Puss! Where are you going?" Donkey cried way too loud to not be heard by guards or something, but fuck it this is me and my friend's god damn story and we will do as we damn well please, "I'm still trapped!"
Puss turned around to look at the useless piece of shit that considered themselves his friend and sighed a heavy sigh. "Listen, Donkey. Don't take this the wrong way, but you're a useless sack of crap and I'm leaving you here to rot." Puss said, already walking away from his still panicking acquaintance. "Wait!" Donkey shouted still unreasonably loud, "Please! I'll give you anything! Food! My Money!" he couldn't really think of anything else to say, especially since both offers were bluffs. Then it dawned on him. The only thing he had to give was... His body.
