Stutter

Explaining Depression

They ask us why we can't just be happy. They tell us we have so much. Explaining your depression is one of the biggest battles of them all. We tell them that our depression is like a rain cloud over our head, and now matter how fast we run, it won't seem to give in. Depression is an ocean and we are the raindrops drowning in a sea of hurt. We are all instruments playing the world's broken tune but they cannot hear it. It is not our fault that they don't understand. Depression is a maze we didn't ask to get lost in. We live in our minds where we wait constantly for child services to come take us away from our demons, because they're too dangerous for our own good. They tell us to be positive. And we apologize because we can only see our hearts in a way where they are shattered, while they tell us to pick up the pieces. The glass is not half full. It's half empty and were drowning in the space where it's supposed to hold more. We tell them depression is like a string a Christmas lights. If one light goes out inside of us, so does the whole strand. We cannot be happy until we are lit. We spend our days trying to regain our light by lighting up in the alleyways. We envy the stray black cats because they can still be seen in the dark. We cannot see ourselves in the dark if there is nothing to see in the light. So we try to give ourselves color. We bleed vibrant reds. We ask if they can see us now. How proud we should be for finally being loved but I don't want to be loved for my scars. I don't want that to be the only thing they see. We scream and shout so loudly, trying to escape our minds until the noise becomes lost in the void. I'm sorry we cannot explain our depression. We shouldn't have to.