Colourless

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"Once a Colourless, always a Colourless." The shadows spoke.

"Huh?" [Y/N] opened her eyes.

A Grey ceiling stared at her.

"..." She slowly turned her head.

[Y/N] saw different tones and shadings of Grey posted all over. Her cabinet, her table, her drawers. She sat up and placed her hand on her lips--It felt cold. She took a look at her arms and legs--They were pale. She stood up and looked out of her window. Just patches of the same old grey and white. Silence escaped her lips for a moment as she stared at the sky. "A... dream?" She started to quiver, and her body felt terribly numb. Her breaths were suddenly uneven and she couldn't even speak. She wanted to scream. But, of course, it would disturb the neighbours.

That's right. Everything was merely a dream.

"No, i-it couldn't be..." Her voice cracked.

When [Y/N] went back to school, her whole body was drained. She was like a moving zombie-- deadpan eyes that spoke death, arms swaying around mindlessly, and her legs dragging her as if they were controlled. She was far, oh so very far, from her usual monotone self. She passed by students and heard them murmur, glares sent straight at her. But nothing bothered her. Not that if ever did. She dragged herself to the classroom, went straight to her table, and put her head down on it. Her heart suddenly ached really badly, and she felt strips of tears trying to burst out of her eyes. But she didn't want to look like a heated mess, so she decided to keep things simple and pretend it was ok. How? By being her usual monotone self, of course.

And soon, lunch came. The teacher thought [Y/N] wasn't feeling too well, so she asked Sakura if she could check on her since she always saw the two together. Sakura promised to ask her the moment the lunch bell rang, but only ten minuted before lunch ended was when Sakura decided to talk to her. She said her short goodbyes to her other friends and strolled her way to [Y/N]. When Sakura saw her, she asked, "Hey, sorry if I forgot about you. Your presence was so low I thought you didn't even come to school. Hahaha!"

"Sure." [Y/N] didn't eat her sandwich. She didn't even bring it. The moment she got dressed for school, she didn't bother to make herself breakfast. She just left and hoped the aching would stop. Unfortunately, it stuck with her even until now.

"Great, yeah, I don't care." Sakura muttered the last part. "Anyways, remember when I said I'll confess to Kuroo today?"

The moment Sakura said his name, [Y/N] suddenly felt chains binding her heart and squeezing the hell out of it. Her lungs felt captured, and that she could collapse anytime. As much as she wanted to forget about him, the dream made it impossible. He kissed her. Of course she couldn't forget. But, well, it was a dream so technically it didn't happen. Still, [Y/N] wanted to strangle Sakura at that moment. 'Always talking about him, always dreaming about him, always stealing him...' She thought. But she had to respect her friend's decision. If Sakura chose to take Kuroo, then be it. Kuroo didn't want [Y/N] anyways.

"What about it?"

"I already texted him this morning, asking him to meet me at the cherry blossom tree behind our school, you know, the very beautiful pinkish and refreshing one, not like you could see it anyways."

"Ok.."

"So after school, I'll go confess to him. And hopefully!" She sprang out of her seat and jumped all over. "He'll say yes and we'll be soulmates! Oh, how wonderful would that be!"

A few moments after she said that, the bell rang. [Y/N] suffered enough torture from hearing her friend stealing someone she loved, so she was glad lunch was over. Sakura said her goodbyes and skipped her way back to her seat. [Y/N] let out a sigh. The pain in her chest hasn't seized, and it's a bit irritating. But she couldn't do anything about it. She took out her books for the next subject and waited for her teacher to come in.

And so, the rest of the day passed. But, the entire time, [Y/N] could only stare at Kenma and Sakura. Kenma never glanced at her the whole day, neither did he talk to her. She thought that maybe she was a nuisance to him and that she let him down, so she decided to never talk to him again. It pained her, surely, but maybe it really was for the best. Kenma did his best to patch up the broken relationship between [Y/N] and Kuroo, but all [Y/N] did was waste that chance and destroy herself.

The times she looked at Sakura, the times her heart cracked even more. Even though her heart was burnt to ashes by Kuroo the previous day, knowing that Sakura will confess to him after school really killed her. I mean, the possibility of them being together was incredibly high. She's beautiful, she's smart, she's kind (to others), who wouldn't want to date her. The total opposite of [Y/N]. But still, [Y/N] can't help but feel like it wasn't fair. But hey, life isn't fair.

When school ended, Sakura shouted, "Wish me luck, everyone!!" and ran off. [Y/N] knew where she was going, and her chest was just as painful as ever. [Y/N] slowly packed her bag, getting ready to go home. She saw Kenma, Kenma saw her, and they made eye contact. But, just as quick as Kuroo breaking the sad reality to [Y/N], Kenma looked away and quickly left the classroom. [Y/N] couldn't help but feel a sense of guilt overwhelming her. Even Kenma avoided her. She stood there for a moment, her bag slung over her shoulder, and wiped her eyes.

[Y/N] left the classroom as well, and went to wear her shoes. When she did, she remembered the times when Kuroo would be waiting at her locker for her. The times he waited so that they could go home together with laughter surrounding them. Her chest was set aflared, and she felt tears painfully escaping her eyes. Students glanced at her for a moment, but payed no attention. They pretty much gave up on her. [Y/N] clenched her fists and lightly hit her shoe locker. It was unfair. Everything was unfair. The dream she had, she thought it was real. She thought the kiss was real. But no, everything was just a pure myth.

It was already thirty minutes past dismissal time and [Y/N] was walking to the gates of the school. Just then, she remembered Sakura saying that she'll confess to him at the cherry blossom tree at the back of the school. Her body suddenly felt sick, and she felt like she could collapse any minute from now.

"..." Her steps became heavier. Her pace slowed down. She felt a slight headache arising.

"I know... I shouldn't interfere..." Her feet suddenly were rooted to the ground. Her breaths sped up and her palms had small sweat glands on it.

"But... this is just..." Her hands wrapped around the strap of her bag and clenched it tightly. Her face was splattered with guilt as she stared at her feet that felt numb.

"I just-- not after everything...." She whispered as she felt another tear escape. Her voice cracked and she stood still, her hair slightly swaying. Her legs, her hands, her entire body and mind were numb, but...

"...I can't let it happen!" And as if they suddenly had amazing strength, her legs spun around the other direction and she ran. She ran at her fastest and didn't stop until she reached the back of the school where the cherry blossom tree was. Her face was guilt, and her palms felt bitter, but she didn't stop. Not after everything she's been through. She didn't even know what she was doing, she just... ran. [Y/N] didn't want Sakura to confess to Kuroo, and vice versa, she didn't want Kuroo to accept. It was silly, and stupid, but [Y/N] just couldn't accept the fact that her beloved was going to be taken away by someone who constantly and indirectly spoke ill about her.

When she reached the back of the school, [Y/N] could already see the cherry blossom tree, along with Kuroo and Sakura there. Their details were, however, quite a blur because [Y/N] was a panting mess from all the running. [Y/N] thought Sakura hasn't done anything yet, so she decided to slowly and calmly walk up to them and interfere. It was wrong, and yes [Y/N] knew, but it felt right. And [Y/N] was already imagining it. The things she would say, their reactions, her response. Everything. And she thought it would all go to plan.

Once she was close enough (about ten to twenty meters away), [Y/N] silently called out the name of the boy that changed her entire life. 'This was it,' she thought. 'I'll change it. If it happened once, it can happen again. I'll change my fate, I'll get him back, I'll fix everything, and we'll be--'

But then she saw them kissing.

Everything after that was a blur to [Y/N], because the moment she saw them, her life snapped. Her presence wasn't sensed by them, and she wished to keep it that way. But, well, I guess that's normal.

After all, she is the Colourless Monster, am I right?

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