The Journal

Part 1

I know he's going home all by himself. Blaming the loss, basically the whole situation, on himself. He keeps thinking, "He's not good enough, he never will be." Or how he is just some screw up, a horrible person. He'll think there is no point of even living. He's supposed to be the best. He's supposed to lead the team. But he can't even do that. He fakes it for the interviews but the tears cannot hide.  His life is a lie so why not end it here. Lets just ruin the whole establishment. But he can't bring himself to do it. So at the end of the day, he lays in bed watching all of his missed chances, he mistakes. In his head he perfects them, thinking of all the things he could of done. Tears come out and he curses himself for thinking he could be that good. He stays up to the early a.ms wishing he was better, wishing he wasn't a screwup, wishing he could be as good as everyone wants him to be, how much he wants to end it all but he's trapped in this roller coaster of a life. He wishes someone would just call him, or text him tell him, it's not his fault. So he just sits in his own bed, trying to overcome his tears. He tries to drink his problems away. 1 by 1 by 1 they never leave though, like a scar. It gets worse. His image is trashed and no one cares. He's at the point of no return. He wants to end it. His emotions are to messed up. He goes from loving life, or at least acting like it, then at night he cries himself to sleep, wishing he was a different person, or had another chance, but he doesn't. You never do.

It's a treacherous thought, how his emotions, affect my own.