Even More Farts to Know

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The Biggest Fart in the World Fart - Like the great bald eagle, this fart is pretty well described just by its name. It can occur just about anywhere, but the most diagnostic characteristic of the Biggest Fart In The World is it size. Fart freaks who go around showing off, farting like popcorn machines, and making faces before they fart or asking you to pull their finger and then they fart, never have what it takes for this one, which is rare even among your most serious farters.

The Bitburr - Sounds like just that - you're walking and the initial explosion "BIT!--" during one step is followed by a more gentle release of the rest of the volume during the next step: "brrrrrr..."

The Blame It On The Dog Fart - The dog did it, not me.

The Blind Date Fart - Happens while you are on a blind date or meeting new people. While getting to know each other, looking your best, and putting your best face forward -BRRAAMP- You pray that it wasn't heard, and try to play it off while others look uncomfortable.

The Bowl Fart - While squatting on the bowl, anticipating the arrival of a brown trout your gut blazes a trail for it by blowing a massive blast. The deep dish and hollow bowl allow for a nice reverb effect.

The Breaking Dawn - A fart that wakes you up.

The Brewer Fart - You try to push a brewer fart the last furlong, but it stays firmly lodged deep within your bowels. You come to the conclusion that it is some form of gaseous landmark.

The Bubble Bobble Fart - This type of fart occurs while one is sitting. As one sits down, a gaseous bubble fart pokes out just a little bit under ones butt to cause a rocking sensation, as if one is sitting on a beach ball.

The Bubble Fart - You feel it at the edge of your ass and you think that it is gone but then it pops and is one of the most smelliest farts possible.

The Bubble Gum Fart - A bubbly but wet fart that smells so horribly bad you don't even enjoy it.

The Bubble-O-Bill Fart - In the shower, cup your hands around your trouser trumpet, fill up with water, and blast away! Kind of sounds like a cappuccino machine.

The Bubble Wrap Fart - Farted by secretaries or people who sit a lot during the day. Known for it's bubble wrap popping sound effect, which is similar to a machine gun, but much duller. Much effort goes into keeping this fart concealed, but when it is expelled, it's a real gas. Bus drivers encounter this fart, but cover it up by reving the engine.

The Buddah - This fart is the mother of all farts. It starts out like a car's engine, vroom vroom, and then it back fires (*BOOM*) and it knocks the family cat a couple of miles.

The Bullet Fart - Its single and most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. It sounds like a rifle shot. The farter can be said to have snapped it off. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly common following the eating of fart foods, such as beans.

The Bunbuster Fart - Sounds like a Beefy One, except much more sudden and much much more powerful. Generally smells eggy or beefy. Leaves your asshole smarting. You really feel these babies.

The Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually an adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes, and seems to hang around longer than most farts, which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't, you know who farted.

The Burp 'N' Fart - It's when you burp and fart at the same time - but it doesn't happen often.

The Butt Rocket Fart - This scary but predictable fart is provoked by eating large quantities of fast food at one sitting. It doesn't make any appreciable noise until it is just about through. It is similar to the worrying fart inasmuch as the necessity to check your shorts for a stain is imminent. The smell is similar to that of a small child you just picked up and discovered that they pooped in their pants an hour or two earlier.

The Buttripper Fart - The kind that comes out so fast and hard that it rips your cheeks apart and makes you cry for all hell. And it smells horribly too.

The Camo-Fart - If you're sitting in class one day and suddenly a little squeak pops out, if someone asks you if you farted, be sure that your desk is tuned properly so that it may squeak at the same frequency as your fart. Then tell the person that it was your desk.

The Car Door Fart - Either a group one or a group two fart. Very tricky. It is meant to be a concealed fart. A matter of close timing is involved, the farter trying to fart at the exact moment he slams the car door shut. It is usually a good loud fart. It is one of the funnier farts when it doesn't work, which is almost every time. It is a desperation fart and not too common.

The Cat's Meow Fart - Sounds like slowly dying cat and lasts roughly 7.5 seconds. Also, the wrinkled grin/face of agony has to accompany it.

The Celestial Fart - Any loud fart in church. The Celestial Fart is soft and delicate, surprising in a boy or an adult. It is probably the most shy of all farts and might be compared with the wood thrush, a very shy bird. It does not have the sly or cunning sound of the Whisper Fart. It is just a very small clear fart with no odor at all. Very rare.

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