Even More Farts to Know

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(The farts listed in this chapter were found on Dumb.com)

The Alarm Fart - Starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, and ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. It sounds like something is wrong. If it happens to you, you will know right off why it is called the Alarm Fart. You will be alarmed.

The After Shower Fart - That unwanted fart that occurs right after you walk out of the shower feeling fresh and nice.

The Amplified Fart - This is any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from the fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table, an empty 55 gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes.

The Anticipated Fart - This one warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd and who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted an Anticipated Fart.

The Arrogant Fart - When the perpetrator thinks their farts don't stink.

The Ass Blaster Fart - Like an M80 exploding in your ass.

The Atom Bomb Fart - The atom bomb fart is loud as heck, and it smells bad too. Also results in a big explosion, and everyone falls to the ground.

The Back Draft - The hollow, soul-rending fart that surprises even you.

The Back Seat Fart - This is a fart that occurs only in automobiles. It is identified chiefly by odor. The Back Seat Fart can usually be concealed by traffic noise as it is an eased-out fart and not very loud. But its foul odor will give it away, due to the way air moves around in a car. It is often followed by someone saying, "Who farted in the back seat?"

The Ballsy Fart/Gutsy Fart - You're in a predicament where you would have to be gutsy in order to let it go...

The Banana Fart - A mostly silent fart that squeaks out an odorous gas that smells like a rotten smelly old banana.

The Bananana Fart - Same as above, but longer...

The Barking Spider Fart - A non-smelling fart which occurs in a crowded place. The farter cannot be identified and the sound is therefore blamed on a 'Barking Spider'.

The Barn Owl Fart - A familiarity with owl calls is helpful in identifying this fart. Almost any morning if you get up just before daybreak you can hear one of these birds talking to himself. It's a sort of a crazy laugh, particularly the way it ends. If you hear a fart that has about eight notes in it, ending on a couple of down notes, and it sounds maniacal, you have heard the rare Barn Owl Fart.

The Barrel Of Laughs Fart - The kind of fart when you feel it coming a mile away, so you go and sit on your friends lap and let her rip. Sounds like some one's rolling a barrel down your butthole.

The Bathtub Fart - People who would never in their life know one fart from another, who would like to act like farts don't exist, will have to admit that a Bathtub Fart is something special. It is the only fart you can see! What you see is the bubbles. The Bathtub Fart can be either single or multiple noted and fair or foul as to odor. Maybe there is a kind of muffled pong and one big bubble. Or there may be a ping ping ping and a bunch of bubbles. The sound, I should point out, depends somewhat on the depth of the water, and even more on the tub. If it is one of those big old heavy tubs with the funny legs you can get terrific sound effects. While one of the new thin ones half buried in the floor can be disappointing.

The Bear Fart (aka Nightmare On Smell Street) - The kind of fart that will wake you up at night because it smells so bad! They can be either silent or noisy - But they are the stinkiest farts imaginable! "Only a bear (with a bears' diet) could produce a smell that rotten."
The Beefy One - Sounds loud, and butch eg. 'BRAAAAMMPPP!'. Will smell a bit like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and dog poop.

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