They Can't Know

Part 8

Jessica grabs her water off of her chair sitting in the corner and reaches for her cell phone in the lab coat pocket. Her scenes were done for today, but she didn't exactly feel like going home.

She hated seeing Christopher. It reminded her of betrayal. Every exclamation of love from his lips was genuine, yet for some reason, his magical words never brought her fireworks in her core like they once did. She rarely saw Sara on set, Shonda made sure of it. So she really had no reason to stay. But she also had no reason to go. She looked around the room to see if anyone was there she could talk to. Justin wasn't there today, although she's sure that if she told him about her endeavors, she would only get condoned, him being so happily married with all of his kids, a true family man.

She sees Camilla across the room and almost says hi, but the back of her mind sends up a red flag, as long as a flashback of the coffee shop. So instead, she plops herself down in her raised seat, and decides to just sit back and watch whatever is on schedule for filming today. She unlocks her phone and thinks she remembers hearing something of Sarah and Jesse filming a lot today. That was good, she was still on good terms with Sarah, as long as she didn't bring up Sara. They usually bonded over motherhood, so if Jessica just kept the conversation focused on that, maybe her day would be a pleasant one.

She's scrolling through instagram, and downing her bottle of water, when one of the set interns comes up to her.

"Um-Miss Capshaw?" the young girl who couldn't have been more than a month out of college says nervously.

"Hey!" Jessica says, putting her phone down and looking at the intern. "You can call me Jessica-what's up?" she says, flashing a huge, fake, smile.

"Um-I-They just sent me to bring you your coffee" the intern says, slightly smiling, relieved that this one wasn't a diva.

"Um, I didn't order any coffee? Maybe Sarah did?" Jessica says, seeing Sarah come through the door across the room.

"Oh, well, I-I already brought her one, I guess I'll just go take care of this, sorry to have bothered you Miss Cap-Jessica" the intern says, shifting her weight nervously between her two legs.

"No, No, it's okay, I'm not one to turn down free coffee" Jess says, reaching for the cup and smiling, "Thank you"

"Any time" the intern says, smiling wide, proud to have accomplished their goal.

As the intern walks away, Jessica inspects the cup to see if it was at least what she liked.

It wasn't coffee at all. She smiles. It's her favorite tea-and it's decaf, so as not to affect the baby. She wondered how the intern knew that. As she goes to take a sip, she shifts the sleeve on the cup and hears a weird sort of crinkling from underneath it. She brings the cup back down and looks around her to see if anyone is watching her. She doesn't want people thinking she's crazy.

She slowly pulls down the sleeve and beneath it is a light pink sticky note taped to the cup.

"My trailer, need to talk. -SR"

She smiled at Sara's pretty scrawl, and he girly pink sticky note and purple pen. Then the crumbles the note up and throws it in her lab coat pocket before heading to the trailers. She takes a swig of her tea and grabs the rest of her stuff from around her chair and starts to head out.

"Hey!" Jessica turns around wondering if the proclamation was to her.

She sees the intern from before running after her, so she stops and turns around.

"What's up?" Jessica asks quizzically.

"Um, they sent me to get your coat-they said you can't take it to your trailer"

"Oh, right, yeah" Jessica says, peeling the lab coat off of her. "Sorry, I forgot"

"It's okay, they said something about you and orange juice and I don't know really..."

"It's no big deal, I'll see you around" Jessica says, turning back around, marching towards to trailers.

She smiles at the memory of spilling orange juice on her lab coat once in her trailer. Now she's not allowed to wear it off set and everyone thinks it's hilarious, including herself if she's honest.

She stops by her trailer and drops off her things, her bag, and her water bottle. She finishes her tea and throws the cup in her little waste basket.

Instinctually she checks her hair in the mirror, then wonders why because, who does she have to impress.

Sara...she stops that train of thought. It only gave her headaches. She grabs her cherry chapstick off the counter and rubs it between her two soft pink lips, then she heads out the door.

She walks next door and knocks on the door, then opens it, remembering that Sara didn't like knocking. When she opens the door, Sara is waiting for her at the top of the steps. She's sitting at the little kitchenette, nervously tapping her foot. Jessica closes the door behind her and walks up the steps, tilting her head quizzically, wondering why Sara was so nervous in her company. When she reaches the top step, Sara suddenly stands up.

She closes the space between them and grabs Jessica. She kisses her violently, resting her hands on the small of Jessica's back, and then grabbing her ass and flipping them around.

"Oh" Jessica says, taken aback between kisses.

"Yeah" Sara says back, pushing them down the hallway towards the bedroom. She stops them in front of the shower and pushes Jessica up against the wall, sending kisses down her chest, moving the bottom of her scrub top slowly over the top of her baby bump.

"Sara" Jessica says, protesting the whole encounter. Her mind wants her to stop the whole thing, knowing it will only make things harder, but her heart says to just let go. Her back arches and she lets out a small moan, she lets Sara take her shirt off. When she lifts the navy blue scrub top over her head, her blonde locks fall and the first thing Jessica sees are Sara's dark brown eyes staring back at her.

She couldn't tell what she saw in those eyes-probably because it was a mix of a thousand emotions. Pain, longing, love, lust, agony, suffering, yet still, although she felt she caused all of this torment in Sara, she still wanted her. And maybe, maybe that was what love was truly meant to be. The idea that the person you love, and who loves you back, the person who you are made to share sleepless nights and endless adventures with, maybe they're also the person who causes you the most agony in life.

Jessica feels the cold metal handle to the shower door on her back and lifts herself off of it. She reaches behind her and opens the door.

She starts the water and pushes Sara off of her.

"Get in the shower" Jessica says, pulling off her pants and kicking off her shoes.

"What?" Sara says, chuckling.

"Get in the shower with me" Jessica says back, trying to hold back a laugh, because she wanted to maintain the seriousness of the situation.

"That is a very small shower" Sara says, looking down at Jessica's pregnant belly.

"Do you want to have hot sex or not?" Jessica says, walking towards Sara.

"Yes please" she responds, ripping off her shirt. She kicks off her pants as they make their way to the tiny shower and step in.

Sara closes the door behind them.

The water is still cold, but the fire between them is enough to fog up the glass.

Sara's hand moves down Jessica's abdomen, and their mouths become one.

She moans and holds her bearings on the shower door, her wet palm making a mark on the fogged over glass door.

"I love you" Jessica says, a tear rolling down her face. A tear Sara would never know existed, for the water pouring from the shower head masked it all.

"I love you too" Sara says, kissing her neck.

A forgotten hot tearfloats down her cheek.