The Memory Game

Chapter 6- Where is 'Home'?

Chapter 6-

I was sitting there trying to think of something to say. I didn't want to be mean or rude, I wanted to be nice, and understanding. But right now those kind of dreams have to go on the back burner because I really need to focus on just learning about me. Josh left with my father just a minute after I told him that the place I was going tomorrow wasn't my home. I felt bad for saying it but it's the truth. When I leave the hospital tomorrow morning I'll be leaving the only place that I know.

I'm still looking at the two pictures I've looked at today. I put my hand on the first picture that was taken Christmas morning in 1998. I trace my outline when I feel a drop in the photo. I have a confused look on my face as I take out the photo, behind it I find a folded piece of paper with my name on it in cursive. I take a deep breath as I slowly open it with my one good hand. I unfold the old piece of paper shaking. When it's fully unfolded I notice that it's written in black using cursive writing. I thought for a minute before I read it:

Dear Christine,

I know that it's been a while since we've last spoken but I had to tell you that I love you so much. I didn't mean to hurt you or your father. I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't mean to cheat on him and you have to know that Christine. It wasn't to hurt you or your father. I know how hard this must be for you but we're not going to be together anymore. I know that you'll understand someday but I don't think that today is that day. Your father has filed a divorce and I understand why. I just hope that you can forgive me Christine. I don't expect you to but it would be nice to know that you forgive me. I'm sorry once again. I don't expect you to answer this letter or to even read it but I hope that you do. I miss you so much and I want you to know that. I love you.

Love,

Mom

As I finish reading it I start to cry. The lady that came in here with my dad cheated on him. I just sit there crying into my good hand when I hear the door open and close. I slowly look up to see the woman who's supposed to be my mother. As soon as she sees the letter in my lap her face goes white. I ask "How long?" my voice sounded sad and scared.

The woman just looked at me and took a step closer. I could tell that she was trying to say something but she couldn't. I pointed to the letter and demanded an answer with my eyes. She took another step closer and that's when Josh came back in. He saw that I was upset and found the letter. I pointed to it and Josh came over and sat down beside me. He looked up at my mother and closed his eyes as he shook his head, after a minute of silence the devil spoke. "Look...I...you...listen Christine, that happened a long time ago and your father and I may be divorced, yes but you forgave me a long time ago and I know how hard that must be for you to understand but it's true. Right Josh?"

I looked over to Josh, the boy who is helping me with my memory, the boy who won't give up, and the boy who is staying by my side. He turned and looked at me probably wishing that anyone else had to tell me what he had to right now "It's true. You kept telling me how they were better off separated, you once told me how they kept you up every night with their yelling and screaming. You cried until you fell asleep and when they divorced you were better off and it took you a while to trust but you are much better now then before."

I looked up at the devil that I am supposed to call my mother and nodded "I...forgive...you...mo...mother, I do...I really do." each word felt like poison coming out of my mouth, it might as well have been. My mother smiled sadly as she left the room to leave me alone, I was able to pull off the smile until she left.

After I could breathe again I looked at Josh in the eyes and something felt familiar, I felt like I was safe and that as long as he was around that no one could hurt me, but that's crazy! Right? I mean I know that he's my boyfriend and all but I don't remember a thing about my past and it scars me that I feel this way, yet I don't know him. I look away "Josh, do you think that I could be left alone just for a little while? I really need to get some sleep before I head back home." Josh nodded sadly with a forced smile on his face, I felt bad for asking him to leave but, I've had a tough time recently and need to be left alone for a little while.

I suddenly wake up in the middle of a farmers field, nothing but wheat surrounding me. I sit up gently before I stand onto my feet. I feel dizzy but I ignore it because I have no idea where I am, or where to go. So I do the first thing that pops into my mind, walk. As I begin to walk through the maze I begin to feel pains of needles being stuck into my feet, so I look down and find that I'm in a sundress with no shoes. I become tense but I just tell myself to ignore it and to keep walking, I walk until I hear a voice in the distance yelling "Christine, Christine! Where are you?" I panic as I forget about walking and run my way through the field trying to find who's calling me until I found myself in a forest. And all of a sudden I was no longer in my dress, I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt that had rips in them and I was running away from something but I didn't know what. My hair was a mess and all over the place. As I was running I looked back to see if I was able to see the thing that was chasing me. That's when I tripped and fell onto the ground. I tried to crawl away but I was pulled into the darkness of the forest...

I woke up to see my parents in the hospital room with clothes for me to change into. I ignored my mom and looked at my dad "Hey, when are we leaving?" he smiled at me when he realized that I was awake.

He shrugged "Well, we're leaving once you put these clothes on, because we don't want you to leave the hospital in a gown, right?" I smiled and nodded as I grabbed the dress, bra, and underwear.

I went into the bathroom and shut the door, ignoring their questions about if I needed help, once I was alone, I felt the bandages on my head. I didn't know why I couldn't remember, but I guess it's a good thing, it means I don't have to recover from the emotional trauma that comes with the memory; however, I felt a lump near the back of my head where I must have been it, I winced at the pain that came with just a simple touch "What happened?" I asked myself, even though I didn't want to remember, not really anyway, I shook my head as I began to get dressed "I shouldn't be leaving," I whispered to myself "They shouldn't let me leave, not without a proper examination, but..." I smiled at the thought "I was promised a date, so it might not be so bad to go home, after all...he said he would help me, what's the worst that could happen?" and trust me, if I knew the answer to that question, I would have never even thought it.