We are not who you think we are

Repercussion

She hit me again. Harder this time.
"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!"
Slap.
"DO YOU WANT TO END UP ON THE STREETS YOU FUCKING IDIOT?! HUH?"
Slap, slap.
She was fuming, breathing out through her mouth hard. As if she was being choked by her own anger. Screaming, yelling; hitting me at any spare moment. While I was there unable to breathe, hurting all over; shaking...
'Fuck you...' I thought to myself. 'Fuck you and your husbands and your lies and your abuse. Fuck you...' But I had never said the words aloud. Never dared to open my mouth and decided silence was the best possible answer. These would bruise in the morning... But I've covered it before and I'll do it again, it's an art form...

***

I woke to my usual routine.
4:45-up and walk past mom and her current boyfriend over to my sisters room to wake her up... Usually via shaking her violently and yelling her name #butthatsnoneofmybusiness.
4:50-5:10-get dressed for school; make bed
5:10-5:40-get baby ready for daycare, feed girls; breakfast
5:40-6:00-out the front waiting for mom to take us to before school care and the station
And so we followed through with our routine, pulling our lunches out of the fridge and shoving them in our bags, with barely enough time to wash up after breakfast for the three of us. Mornings were always hectic, but each passing minute was a minute closer to my 8 hours of freedom away from home. I escaped in my study, not just because bad grades meant a beating, but because it was the only thing I could really do besides make my mother want to strangle me. But the car rides to where we had to be dropped off... That was some otherworldly shit. It was either really pleasant, with us making jokes and fooling around, or it was a lecture session. That particular morning was the latter, and I loathed every second of it.
"You're irresponsible and should be ashamed of yourself." She began, "Not to mention untrustworthy, it's a wonder I let you have lunch for today I could have kept it for a later date for when you deserve food but you know why I didn't? Because it's part of my 'Duty of Care'. I am your mother and you are the child, I am in charge and have the right to discipline my children how I see fit..." And that's when I start to tune out, right after she pulls put her Duty of Care speech. So I stared blankly out the window until the station came into view, and whoosh I was out of the car so fast I probably beat my sisters dad after he found out mom was pregnant.

School had been my escape from reality since 4th grade, a bit after we had moved up from Melbourne. I always looked forward to the moments without my mom in the picture. It was just Bell and I, Rhi hadn't been born yet. And when she went out, I was left 'in charge' which meant I had to run the house for the day and sometimes into the next because she never told us when she was coming home... Bell wasn't much of a help back then and honestly she probably isn't now either aha. But we'd manage, I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

When I got to school I was drowning in the concern of my friends. They were the only family I had and I trusted them with everything.
Even this.
"She hit me," I tried to explain, "it was only really light don't worry I just bruise easily. It's not that visible is it?"
"Not visible?!," Bree had screeched, "it's more than one fucking bruise Auds, you can't 'fall down the stairs' this time. It looks like you've been in a punch up!"
I looked at her defiantly, "Well then, it's settled. I've been in my first punch up and evidently I lost," I was determined not to have yet another visit from the Police at ridiculous hours during the morning, "Please, just, don't report it. Please. I trust you guys with this okay?"
The truth is, there have been several reports against my mom in passed years. One time it was to the point that the police didn't come until they had gotten at least three calls from different neighbours... That was the day we stopped screaming when she hit us. Bell and I call it the 'Vow of Silence' because if mom gets reported any more times we'll be taken away. And I don't want the girls to be split up, to this day I don't want them split from each other. Bell has her dad back in Melbourne somewhere, and Rhi's dad is an abusive alcoholic that is completely fucking mental and I've always hated him. And I'm not sure who they'd go to unlike me because I'd either go to Foster care or shipped off to Indonesia. As far as I know my fathers side of the family tree was dead. So I begged the girls to stay quiet. The same way I do every other month when it gets bad to the point where I'd rather just let the pain flow out from my arms.