"W-WHAT? T-tell me you don't mean that." I faked a laugh while holding myself not to burst in tears. "You're just saying that to... to make fun of me, right? To tell you honestly honey, it isn't funny, b-but if you want me to laugh, just say it and I will. It's just a joke.. yeah.. I know that." Napasuklay ang nanginginig kong mga kamay sa buhok ko habang hindi inaalis ang tingin sa kaharap.
Ilang sandaling katahimikan ang pinalipas ko bago nagsalita muli. "W-wasn't I good enough? Anong nagawa ko para humantong tayo sa ganito? S-say it." Sobrang nasasaktang sabi ko while crying like a baby. I don't care what I exactly looked like right now. Ang mahalaga ay malaman ko ang dahilan ng pakikipaghiwalay nito. "M-may iba ba? Tell me, damn it! Is there someone else? D-don't you love me anymore?! Tell me, you asshole! Tell me!"
and... CUT!
I wiped the traces of tears from my cheeks and started giggling in front of the television. I don't know I am a good actress 'til now. Hehe. Sobrang nadala ako sa isang eksena ng kapapanood ko pa lang na movie kaya inubukan kong gayahin. It's a good thing na na-memorize ko ang lines ng leading lady so it isn't hard for me to say them all clearly. Bunos na lang yung luha at facial expression.
Hmm. At dahil feeling ko talagang kakayanin ko, why don't I try joining the drama club? Hindi pa naman siguro late magpa-member... maybe?
It's a Sunday afternoon so I have all the time in the world for pleasure, at yun nga, nanood lang ako ng mga movies sa kwarto niya.
"Hanggaling ko pala mag-acting! Akalain mo yun? Hehe. Ma-sample-an nga si Ae sa Monday. " Kako habang ngumangatngat ng piattos. "Nakow! Kung ako yung babaeng yun, pinagtatadyakan ko na yung lalaki. Aba, ang kapal naman ng lips niyang makipaghiwalay. Hindi naman ka-gwapuhan. Tsk." Tinaktak ko sa bibig ang mga durog na chips mula sa supot and swallowed them in a blink.
Waiting for your call I'm sick,
call I'm angry, call I'm desperate for your voice,
Listening to the song we used to-
"Hello.." I answered the phone. I waited for seconds sa kabilang linya pero walang tumugon. Nagtagpo ang mga kilay ko.
"Uh, hello? Sino po ito?" Tiningnan ko ang screen ng phone. I just saw an unregistered number. Binalik ko ito sa tenga.
"Hey! Aren't you gonna talk?" I waited for a minute pero wala pa din.
"Alright. If you have nothing to say, might as well hung the phone up at matulog ka na lang buong maghapon. Goodbye!" Tss. Kaasar. Sino naman kaya yung tatawag-tawag tapos di naman pala magsasalita?
Four-thirty pa lang kaya lalabas muna ako. Dala-dala ang phone ko, nilock ko ang bahay and took time to walk around. Wala akong fixed na pupuntahan. I just need to have a new environment aside from school-apartment-training ground.
Next month will be the university's foundation day, and I still can't believe I was personally requested by our college dean, herself, to be our college representative.
The idea was terrible! Buti pa sana kung gagawin akong parte ng theater show! :(
Never in my wildest fantasy na isasali ako, of all events, sa isang pageant!
Sa dami ng mga magagandang nasa college namin, ano kayang nasinghot ng aming dean at ako pa ang nakita?! Gaah! Even to consider it gives me the not-so-kind-of-good chill. I love pageants that I want to watch every pageant in the world, and I admit that! Pero iyon nga, bilang manonood at tagahanga lang. I'm more than fine with that. Joining pageants is so not in my league.
I could still remember the hopeful eyes of Dr. Ruiz habang nakatingin sa akin. I tried convincing her to choose any one of the hundreds of students sa college namin, but she just said,
"It's you that deserves it."
WTH, 'di ba?!
I've never rejected nor accepted the proposal. She told me to think it over the weekend, and tomorrow's the day I wouldn't want to come! Huhu.
Kung tumanggi naman ako that same time, takot ko lang ipahabol sa mga palaka o kaya ipatapon sa bermuda triangle! I can't be possibly scarred by those slimy beings and be sharks' dinner kung mangyayari iyon! But of course, those are just figment of my morbid imagination.
I heaved a sigh for the nth time today. What to do?
You see, I am not the kind who easily turns people down. I am sort of sensitive when it comes to things like this, and I can't bear to bring disappointment to anyone. Especially it concerns my college this time. Oh, no!
Paano ko ito lulusutan?
What if , mag-absent ako bukas at mag camping sa bundok Makiling? Sigurado akong hindi ako mahahanap doon! Yes! Pero, hindi pa rin ako makakatakas kay Madam dean sa mga susunod na araw!
How about I disguise myself as a guy bukas? Hmm. Appealing. But, paano ako papasok sa klase with my disguise on? That'd be another problem. With my curious classmates and nosy Aemie, that would blow my cover!
Geez! My ideas were pointless. Naalala ko pa tuloy ang isang pangyayaring hindi ko lubos maisip na mangyayari! Sa movies? definitely!
But to me, myself and I? Na-ah!
Pero it happened. It freakin' happened on me.
Wala sa loob kong nahawakan ang mga labi ko. Holy mother of--! I can still feel his... lips while he was kissing me. It was a hot one.
A very hot one... nasabi ko na ba?
Waaa! That thing really happened! Oh my, oh my!
Isa pa! Isa pa ang ugok na iyon sa mga taong ayaw kong makita bukas! Huhu. Why do I feel like I have given everything when we kissed that day? Ako lang ba ang nakaramdam nun? Was kissing me in front of a crowd that easy on him?
Gaaah that brute! Was that part of the silly commercial's script I haven't even laid my eyes on?
Bahala na kung ano ang magiging reaksiyon ni Ms. Ruiz bukas. I've made up my mind and it's final.
No matter what they say, that would be my decision.
