Someone like you

Chapter thirteen

(play song above whilst reading :) )

"So what is it that you have to say to me?" I lean against the cream wall in between the mirror and the wardrobe facing Ross who is sitting on the double bed. His leg bounces and his face is in his hands. I stand stony faced in front of him. I don't want to let him in, but even being in the same room as him has me week. All I want is to leave. But then I also want to hear what he has to say about the whole thing. He takes is head out of his hands and looks me in the eye.

"I just want you to understand why I did what I did, I don't want you to hate me" I rub my face with my hands trying to wake myself up.

"Well then, you had better impress me then" I cross my hands in front of me as I see the pain that crosses his eyes. He will not get to me.

"The reason we moved to California was because Riker wanted to do something in entertainment, he didn't know what, but he knew what he wanted. We met Ratliff after moving and we all played instruments already, so we thought why not? In 2009 we formed R5. I loved and still do love the music. At first we weren't the best, and we still aren't but we're getting there. I love performing on stage, it's just such an amazing experience" I can see the passion in the gestures he makes with his arms, by the look in his eyes, by the smile in his face. Don't let him in.

"That doesn't explain why you've acted the way you have with me" I see the pain my words, and possibly the memory of me causes him.

"Yeah- of course- um-yeah.....look, I love my music, I do. And I love that other people love it too. But I don't have a life of my own anymore. The fans insist on knowing everything about me, and they are fuckass crazy. Some act as if they know everything about me, and some openly fantasise about being in a relationship with me" he gets up coming closer to me. The reminder of those swooning girls sends another wave of anger through me. I beg him in my mind to stay where he is.

"Great, girls love you, you have an amazing life. Go moan to one of those girls" I turn to leave, but he grabs my arms. His touch is demanding yet gentle, and sends tingles up and down my arm.

"It's not like that. I hate the way they look at me. And then, in the airport, you looked at me as if I was a normal person. But then I started getting attached. There have been so many girls that have played me for my money, for fame. Every time it broke me a little more. I didn't want to go through it again. And so I tried to keep you away, because I didn't trust you. That was a mistake. And then I still didn't tell you because I couldn't bare seeing the look in your eyes which was there tonight outside the theatre. And that was a mistake again" I laugh, but I can't help opening the door to him a crack.

"You can say that again" I shoot at him. He still holds my arm, but I'm not sure if I would leave even if he wasn't.

"Last week was the best time I've had in a long time. And the last few days have been the worst I can remember" his foot is in the door. With his emotional eyes looking right at me I can feel myself slipping.

"I trusted you with my deepest secrets, but you couldn't trust me. But of course the rules don't apply to you, you're a celebrity, you can do whatever he wants" he turns and walks to the other side of the room running his hands through his hair. When he turns there is anger in them.

"You promised you wouldn't treat me differently if I told you who I was" he shouts at me. My annoyance spikes.

"Well I guess we're even then aren't we" I shout back. We stand at either side of the room, glaring at each other in anger. I take a deep breath.

"All I want is for us to be able to move on, knowing where we stand" he turns away from me, looking out the window at the glowing lights "we live in two different worlds, we will barely see each other, if at all, I want to have closure on this" he still doesn't look at me, I begin to get frustrated "please look at me" I say quietly. I can see his shirt straining on the tense muscles in his back "JUST SAY SOMETHING" I shout.