It's prom night, and I'm sitting alone, wishing that I'd gotten the nerve to walk up to her,and ask her to prom. This is bloody ridiculous. Why didn't I do it? I pinch the bridge of my nose, groaning with absolute misery. She'll be gone in less than a month, and I still haven't the courage to tell her how I bloody feel! I love her so much, it's bogus. If there's a guy who danced with her, and I find out, I'll lose it. This is killing me, she'll be off in college, and I'll still be stuck in that bloody death trap of high school. I raise myself up from the beaten office chair that causes me back pain, stiffly. I stretch and yawn, rubbing the back of my neck, tiredly, before returning back to the chair. I lean myself back, as the emotional pain makes that awful lump in my throat return. Closing my eyes, I allow the tears to crawl down my face. I need you so much, you're everything to me, and I can't help but wonder if I ever cross your mind, because you're always on mine. When I think back to how much you helped me, by just seeing your smile, I lose it. What a sad excuse of a man I am. A shuddering sigh elicits from my chest, as I begin to shake. I can't handle the thought of you being gone! Oh, God, it hurts so much. I've never felt so strongly for someone. It's 10:45 at night, and I'm trying not to make a sound, as my every breath becomes a sharp, painful gasp. It's taking all of my strength to not scream to the world how much I love her and miss her. It's taking all I have to not scream her name. It feels like my eyes are bleeding, but I know I'm only crying. I put my hands behind my head, trying to steady my breathing. Trying to be silent, as I break down.
I stand back up, wiping my eyes, and cross my arms. I walk outside. The moon hasn't risen, yet. Looking to the sky, to the stars, and the direction where the moon would be, I let out a shuddering exhale, allowing more tears to flood from my eyes. I want to scream to the night to give her to me, but I know it's no use. She'll never feel the same. I've convinced myself that I'm not good enough for her, anyways. If I could just have one bloody time, before she graduates, I'd tell her how I feel. I don't want to be chased off by her friends. No, not like one did on Homecoming. Not again. I rest my arms on the railings of the porch, inhaling the night air. I close my eyes, once again, only to see her, and the same face she had on, the day she left my life. I flinch. She still has such an impact on me, by just hearing her voice, I immediately wake up from my zombie-like state, and search for her. She has no idea how much I want to just hold her in my arms, to tell her how much I love her, how much she means to me. I've dreamt of her so much, I've wrote about her, I've talked to people about us. You'd think she'd know, right? There's no way I can truly know...Unless I tell her, myself.
