The Raven Girl

Chapter 31

"I was," she muttered, subconsciously.

"How so? You've no open wound."

Asta shook her head. Perhaps she could have attempted to reason with him, yet she knew it would be for nought. Besides, if she were to tell him of the dream, he would have had her labelled as mad as well as traitorous, spreading even more rumours throughout the kingdom and getting her nowhere. It was not as if having this dream would be excuse enough to let her go without punishment- in this King's eyes, she had no worthy excuses, no legitimate claims. Why, she could have really been attacked and still have been punished for making a sound.

"There we have it." He said. "You weren't attacked and yet you still screamed, robbing my castle's workers of sleep and therefore disrupting the day. We can't have that now, can we?"

"No," she said, meekly, bottom lip trembling. What would it be this time round? What new contraption, designed with the purpose of inducing screams, would they chose today? However, somewhere within her confidence stirred, feeble in both body and number but confidence all the same, self-preservation willing it on. She stood a little straighter. "But surely I could work harder, make up the hours they lost?"

"Not by what I'm told. They say you've no skill."

"Eirik," Rickard warned, "you would listen to these people? They are sworn to hating her."

"As should you be." He frowned. "I must say, brother, it seems as though you are defending the raven. You would advise me to listen to the traitor against the words of an innocent?"

Rickard rubbed at his forehead in exasperation, struggling not to roll his eyes. It was as if Eirik imagined the situation was far more fairy tale like in its structure, as if he imagined the apparent crimes committed against the kingdom were far more dire and all committed by Asta herself. Sometimes it seemed this was more and more the case- perhaps Eirik was bored, his interests in what the crown offered him fleeting, so much so that he had to invent life to be far more dramatic. Whatever the case, it was very infuriating, putting it lightly.

"I would advise you to leave it." He said, sighing. "Else you may encourage them to bombard you with simple minded complaints such as this. If they are unhappy, they can find work elsewhere. There will always be some other poor sod to take their place."

Eirik paused in thought, clearly annoyed by what Rickard had said. He understood the logic behind the argument, yes, but the feeling that this had only been said to save Asta lingered still.

"Fine," he said, dismissively, voice flat with irritation, "but you will work harder."

She nodded and scuttled out the door before he could change his mind, heart pounding from the fear she had felt in the midst of his judgement. Once that feeling subsided- the transitory happiness that came from avoiding more punishment- she found she had been left feeling rather deflated in again realising that she had no control. It was not she who had got her out that room unscathed. It was not she who had the mind sharp enough to manipulate the King's. It was not she but Rickard she was so very reliant on, at the mercy of and there was nothing she could do to change that. After all, what she said was either ignored, dismissed or exploited and what she did could not help her position- it was words, not deeds, that altered the King's decisions.

This had been the way, she supposed, for all her life. This was what she'd wanted to change so desperately: to be able to survive on her own accord and not on someone else's, to be able to get herself out of situations without the help of another. Yet, without Rickard she would have suffered from a situation she had got herself in and for that she felt useless, hating every inch of herself for that moment in time.

"Thank you," she said to Rickard as they walked, a small saddened smile on her lips, but said nothing more, returning to her thoughts in an instant.

"You're awfully quiet."

"I'm just... you know, jealous."

"Jealous?" He said with a confused smirk. "Of what? Eirik?"

"No- of you, of how easily you can change his mind, of how you can help me as well as yourself. I try and try to think of ways to keep myself out of trouble, to sort out my life on my own, but it doesn't work. Independence is luxury I can't have, it seems."

"I'll give you some advice, and I'll reckon you'll take it better than my brother took his own: always have as many people to fall back on as you can. Sure it's nice to rely on yourself, when it works, but it seldom does in a place as barbaric as this one. No one listens to each other here unless there's something in it for them. Don't think you've failed yourself if you need my help- there's always someone watching, waiting for you to slip up, make one wrong move no matter how small it is."

She nodded, uncertainly.

"Then who do you rely upon?"

"Ah," he said, "many, many people. More than you can count. As I said to Eirik, everybody makes mistakes."