Snowflakes

So before you start reading I'd like you to know that this will be my first story on wattpad and I'm pretty proud of myself for being brave enough to upload this and share my (sometimes really weird^^") thoughts with you.
Please enjoy reading this short-story :D

--------------------------------

It was very cold tonight, the windows of the houses were partially frozen but it didn't really matter because I was rather used to this.
I mean, it had to be cold since everything was covered by this huge white fluffy cloud.
If I remembered correctly it was called "snow".

Beautiful and yet so painful and dangerous. Unforgiving.

I envied all those other children for having shoes, feeling warm and protected inside these houses while I was outside in the dark, wondering why my feet stopped bleeding and why they somehow changed colour.
They weren't blue with red and black dots anymore and they stopped hurting.
I couldn't feel them anymore.
Maybe it was better this way.
Walking has been so painful for a long time.

No.
Don't think to much.
Being lost in thought is exhausting and making me depressed.
I'll get hungry again for sure.
Very, very hungry.
And lost.
Lonely.
Unwanted.
No, I didn't want to start crying again!
I want to be strong.
Confident.
I'm trying so hard.
It's so difficult and I don't feel like changing or succeeding at all.
I want to be somebody.
Just like everybody else is.
Why am I not allowed to be worth something?
I am human.
Right?

I sighed at my thoughts.
It was always the same.
I was repeating myself all day long.
But this was how I felt!
Oh great, now my eyes were tearing up.
Again.

I coughed.
My whole body trembled.
I coughed again.
This time my hand got bloody and I felt a stinging pain in my throat.
Fudge.
Just when I thought I was fine again.
That I wasn't i sick any longer.

Suddenly my legs felt so tired.
It was so cold.
I was freezing.
My whole body shivered.
I was so hungry that my vision got blurry.
My mind got clouded.
I needed to eat something.
I needed a place to sleep.
Sleep would help me forgetting my hunger.
Where should I sleep?

No one wants a dirty, skinny, fragile, sick and stupid little girl sleeping in their house! What if you steal our money? Or infect my children?
Go away!

Every mother reacted like that.
All of them yelled at me.

I sighed and sat down in the snow, leaning at a tree next to the road.
Watching as some soldiers passed by, looking at me with disgusted expressions.
All of those people looked at me like that.
Shouldn't they protect their people?
Well they might considered me as human looking trash.
I got used to these things.
It didn't hurt anymore.

I looked at the endless sky, wanting to see the beautiful little sparkling dots I could only see at night.
Stars.

If I remembered correctly stars were able to show you which way to go.
Where to go.
To show you your destination.
They held a meaning.
Signs that only wise people could decipher.
But today I couldn't see them because the huge pitch-black clouds covered them.
Hid them.
Tried to mock me.

My stomach growling like a scary animal.

When I sleep now, I don't feel hungry any longer and I can dream about the warm sun tickeling my skin, making me feel safe and secure.

I closed my eyes for a little moment.
My body felt so numb, more than usual but I didn't mind it.
It was kind of relaxing.
Nothing hurt anymore.
I simply wanted to sleep.
Be surrounded by never ending darkness.
Wanted to stay this way.
Afraid of losing the warmth I suddenly felt.
Smiling.

Drifting into endless sleep.

No one would miss me anyway, right?

Little Time Skip~

I woke up.
Feeling slightly dizzy.
Streching my arms.
And well, I felt good.
That was somehow really weird.
No hunger, burning pain, freezing, jealousy or coughing.
I was fine.
Awkward.

I didn't know why, but I looked down at myself.
My skin was pale in a really beautiful way.
No injuries.
No dirt.
My long hair looked really fluffy.
A long white dress was all I was wearing.
I felt like a princess.
I smiled at myself.

As I turned around I saw a really old and rusty looking tree.
It was huge and the snow rested on his branches.
Yes, it was definitely called snow.

I looked down at the ground again and my eyes widened in shock.

A little girl was laying on the ground between the roots of the tree.
She was awfully skinny.
Pale in an unhealthy way.
Really dirty.
Looking weak.
Fragile.
Her eyes were closed.
Dark lines surrounded them.
I saw her long lashes.
She looked like a abandoned doll.

Her clothes were dirty and torn on many parts.
It looked gross.

I looked at her feet.
They were bloodstained.
Almost black.
Sore.
Started rotting.
It looked so damn painful.

I teared my eyes away from this disturbing sight.

She was dead.
She had to be.
It was so unfair!
No one should suffer the way she did!
Why didn't anybody help her?
I felt bad for her.
I felt tears running down my cheeks.
I was enraged.
People were so cruel!

Just when I was fuming about how selfish people were, a truck stopped next to me and a soldier exited.
He picked the dead girls body up and threw it into the trucks boot.
His neutral expression made me cringe.
He looked like he had done this a hundred times before.

Then it hit me.

The little girl was me.
It was my body.
It was all my pain and suffering.
My wounds.

I was this abandoned and broken doll.

I never cried like this before, but not because I was sorry for myself or enraged.
I cried because I felt so relieved and happy.
It was overwhelming.
This joy was almost scaring.

I was free.

The truck started and drove away and I waved my old life good-bye as I let go to rest in peace until forever ended.