hudson.

chapter one ; gasoline

                                                                    ❝ and we got the eyes to see. ❞

                                                                                               -/-/-

                                                                                             death.

                    one word that can slither its way into your darkest of thoughts, and cover you like a safety blanket before hauling you to the pits of hell - at least in my grandfather's case that is.

the funeral had been dreary, my black dress too tight and the tears streaming down my face too quick to stop. i hadn't meant to cry, but once the realization sets in, it's hard not to, even if you had no ultimate connection to the person. the last memories i had of the white-haired man lying still in the steel casket were vague, myself having of been a ripe age of four when i last saw him.

now, he was cold and that same unforgettable smile that would light up his face, crinkle the corners of his eyes, and reveal slightly crooked teeth was gone. when my mother had called my phone to inform me of his death, i couldn't help but feel guilty.

sometimes people didn't deserve to die, life was unfair in that way. i felt as though the man before me was one of those people. he had always been a genuinely happy person, or to the extent of my knowledge he had been. i could pinpoint no reason as to why god had chosen to take him, or satan for that matter.

my grandfather had been known for his blunt accusations of lucifer being the true lord, his stubborn willed attitude towards the matter holding out until a bullet had pierced his heart.

once the casket had been lowered into the ground, the only sounds that registered to me were the gentle sniffles of family members, and the light cascading of rain across the navy canopy that had been set up once his burial was so rudely interrupted by nature.

walking away from the cemetery had been harder than i had expected. my heels seemed to stick in the ground as if willing me to take one last look at the six foot deep hole that was now having dirt shoveled back into it. i refused to do it, refused to allow any more memories to resurface, and prayed i wouldn't later regret the decision.

the next few days consisted of constant moments where i'd spot something that'd remind me of my minimal time with my grandfather, and my throat would instantly close, my vision would get blurry, and those hideous sobs would rip through me. for a man i'd never spent much time with, i missed him.

when my phone rang, i didn't expect much of it as this had been a reoccurring event since my grandfather's passing. always friends calling to tell me how sorry they were for my loss, or just the random telemarketer who couldn't figure out that i wanted to be left alone.

this time was different though. the man's voice on the other side of the device in my hand was unfamiliar, and the words he spoke were clearly not programmed into the system.

he spoke of my grandfather's will, spoke of how, apparently, he had left my name down for a portion of it. this brought on a furrow of my brows.

i had barely known the man, what could he possibly have left for someone he rarely knew?

and that's how i found myself to where i am now, enveloped in the cold touch of the ac while idly drumming my fingertips against the steering wheel of my car. i was headed to a completely foreign place to me to gather what my grandfather had left for me.

needless to say, the suspension was death in itself.

                                                                                                    -/-/-

                                                                                        author's note ;

this of all the author's notes will probably be the longest as i have quite a bit of explaining to do here. i am thoroughly irritated with the fact that nothing contains capital letters, but at the moment, my caps lock button is broken, meaning i'm stuck with all lower case. i tried to keep everything else grammatically correct, but do remember, i am human and us humans do indeed make mistakes sometimes. eventually, i will have this fixed, and with time will go back, and advise all the chapters written with correct grammar.

the cover is temporary as well. it took forever, and another day, but i absolutely suck at cover making, so if someone could make me one, or know of someone who could, it would be greatly appreciated. believe me, i am highly unimpressed with myself for now, but hopefully with the process of this story it will get better, aha. everything is added in, and just to show how long it took, i may post the original picture for media on the side. the longer i look at it, the prettier it gets, so i don't even know tbh.

on another note, this chapter may have been chapter one, but it was solely for setting up what's to come. my writing style may change as this is set more in a previous tone, but if it does, it won't be much. all continuing chapters will be much longer, and will consist of much more detail than this one.

still, i hope you enjoy. thanks for reading. <3

                                                                                           playlist ;

                                                                                    river by bishop

                                                                         saturn by sleeping at last

                                            what the water gave me by florence & the machine

                                                                                                 &

                                                                      point of no return by starset