Always

Introduction

There are all types of people in this world, our world. Some good, some bad, some lost between good and bad. Some we wish we had never met, some we wish we could meet again. Some we never want to see again and some we want to see every hour of every day. Some who are all bad, but we choose to see the tiny bit of good in them, some who are all good, but we choose to see the tiny bit of bad in them. Some we can't stand, but they can't see it, others we love with all our hearts, but they can't see it either. I spent my whole life thinking that every person I'd ever meet would be defined by one type, that I'd know directly if I'd like them or not, if I wanted to know every detail of their personalities, their lives, or simply never talk to them again. It worked with almost everyone I've ever met. I chose the people I'm closest to, because they're my type, we connect, we relate, we understand each other. I like the way they think, the way they act. I chose to love them with all my heart. But, somehow, there is this one person my technique didn't work with. A person that corresponds to all of the types I mentioned. A person I didn't choose to love with all my heart, but, for some reason, I do. A person whose simple smile makes my day. A person whose actions, no matter how wrong, how devious, are invisible to my eyes. No matter how hard I try, how bad I want to, I can't see the bad in him, he's perfect to my eyes. No matter how much I'm hurt or how much I suffer, nothing's ever going to change. I hate that I love him, no matter how much I love loving him. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not talking about my boyfriend, or my ex-boyfriend. I'm talking about my best friend. My best friend, that I love with all my heart, that I'm in love with, and that has no clue about it, that has no clue about how much I'll always love him, how much I'll always have hope he'll see it someday. And when you love someone this much, you don't stop, you can't stop, ever! Even if people will roll their eyes or call you crazy, even then, especially then. You just don't give up, because if I could give up, if I could just take the whole world's advice, and move on, and find someone else, I would. But then, it wouldn't be love. It would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for, not worth having undeniable hope for, not worth waiting for. But trust me, I'll always be holding on to that tiny shred of hope that tells me it's going to work out someday. Even if it may not. Some of you are going to see me as a pathetic teenage girl, who is just seeking attention. But it's not who I am. Others are going to see me as this strong girl, who lives with the fact she can't be with the guy she loves, and is okay, is still close to him, no matter how much she suffers. But that's not me either.  Who am I? How could I define it? I'll put it in the simplest way I can. I'm just a girl, waiting. Waiting for this possible relationship, waiting to have the courage to do something about it. As of the hurting part? I guess hope is just stronger. You can go days without water, but you can't live a second without hope.