Walking Blind :: Brallie AU [COMPLETED]

fifteen

But like always, Callie wipes her tears and shields herself away from him. She doesn't want his comfort, and she isn't going to beg for him to hold her. That is the last thing she wants from him. He's done far too much for her, and maybe so he is right. An engagement would be drastic, wouldn't it?

"I really don't care anymore," She says with a groan. "Engaged or not really doesn't matter I guess. But I'm starving. Can you go get another pizza from the pizzeria down the block—"

He grabs his keys from the counter before Callie can even finish her sentence and heads towards the door. "Already on it."

                                                              .                     .                    .

There was a time in Callie's life where she expressed her feelings in a true way, but she couldn't go on like that, right? There's a balance, a point of virtue, that she had went passed so long ago. Every negative emotion is buried before she can even feel it, making her passive and weak. She feels as if everyone loves her for her smile and twenty-four-seven happy disposition, meanwhile every other feeling is crammed into her chest like a branding iron.

The problem is, that space is getting so full, so much harder to ignore, and the disparity between personality and inner pain is so difficult to bear. She wish she'd learnt to get these emotions out instead of bottling them up; there is no "healthy release" when the internal pressure is this high. Her nerves are frayed to the quick. In her building anxiety she constructs elaborate rationalizations for why everything would turn out alright.

She has been given more blessings than she could ever feel worthy of. She still feels love – from Robert, Jill, and Sophia who were so welcoming when she was in a bind with Brandon. She's also known pain enough to fragment her soul into such tiny pieces it took Callie years to reassemble her mind. When she could come back from these strong emotions to a state of balance, she'd learn what she can from each emotion, feeling and experience. But right now, she hates the way she is.

Unconscious to the abundance of her feelings that subjugated her and drove her crazy. Is she just suppose to seek closure in the ideas that one day before she has the babies, Stef and Lena will be on board with all of this and be accepting of her once again? Not possible. They've barely made an effort to reach out to her. Lena usually calls frequently, that's only about her grades and school work.

Stef, not once.

How does she defuse this bomb without triggering the damage she seeked to avoid?

Thinking about this just makes more hatred and anger grow inside of Callie. Her temper is a simmering pot, slow burning, and ready to bubble up at any moment.

She wants to be alone and with Brandon being upstairs working on his senior project, it was perfect. She can sit in silence and just calm her thoughts like she normally does all alone, she can steady her focus on the rapid kicking feeling against her stomach, and for a minute – with her hand on top of it, a smile unfolds across Callie's lips.

"I'm trying to stay calm for the both of you," she whispers, rubbing small circles around the area the babies were kicking. "It's not that easy."

She traces her fingertips along her protruding skin before allowing her heavy eyelids to flutter closed. The clock ticking against the wall is starting to tire her more and more, the events of today was starting to catch up with the brunette. Trying to get sleep has become a quite struggle for Callie lately, and so whenever she can fit in a small nap - even if it was at the kitchen table - she will.