The Resident // Harry Styles H.S.

14

And they came. Right on cue.

I fell onto the bed, and grabbed my pillow to hug and cry into.

I didn't have time to cry, though. I heard Harry come into the room right after me.

"Janel. Please....don't be sad. You're not stressing me out, Janel. I promise you're not! Please, PLEASE....don't be upset. It's just a very awkward, and complicated discussion we're having, and I'm not quite sure how to answer your questions. But I'm trying, Janel. I'm trying hard. Because I WANT to answer your questions. I'm your boyfriend. I love you. You can always ask me anything. Ever. I will never get mad or stressed. I promise. Please, don't cry", he tried to reassure me as he sat on the bed next to me and tried to unattach my face from the pillow. He couldn't do it. I wouldn't let him. I simply felt stupid. And embarrassed for being stupid. Why did I think I could ever be like a normal person? I should just go back to the group home and give up the stupid dream of being a normal person. Harry will eventually hate answering my dumb questions, and he'll wonder why he wastes his time on me, and he'll leave.

He'll leave someday.

I had forgotten that everyone eventually leaves me. I had gotten so secure with Harry, that I forgot that any day now, could be the last time I ever see him.

"Janel, please. Let me hug you. Let me look into your sad eyes. Let me touch your face. Let me tell you it's ok. Because it IS ok, Janel. I love you. More than you know. More than I can say. And there's no way you could know about the stuff we were just talking about, but I'm honestly happy that I can be the one to teach you. I just don't want to take anything too far, Janel. I want you to wait a while, before you do anything...huge. Please roll over and let me hold you. Please?" Harry kept insisting.

I was used to just crying into my pillow. That's how I got through things that made me sad.

But Harry was here now. So many things were different. I could touch him. He could hug me. It always felt better right away, when he'd put his arms around me. So I should let him. Right?

I lifted my soggy face, and rolled over, to see him looking down at me. Right away, his hands went to my face. One hand cupped the side, and the other hand wiped away the wetness under my eyes. Then his hands switched.

He took my hand and pulled me to sit up. And he put his arms around me tightly and snuggled his face into my neck. It was such a tickly feeling, but I felt so secure. I almost forgot about being sad.

"I love you Janel. I love you so much. I want to teach you everything. And I will, in time. You just have to be patient, and trust me. Believe me that I'm trying to do what I think is best for you. I don't ever want you to feel stupid or anything, just because you don't know things they didn't teach you in a group home. Before you know it, you'll know everything there is to know. You're smart, and you catch on so fast, Janel. And believe me....you don't know how lucky you are that you don't know about s.ex. It could have been the opposite for you. You could have known too much, and too early. Like your friend...Marcus, is it? You really got lucky, Janel. And someday, you'll realize how lucky you are.

Just believe me. Trust me. Ok?" He said all that in the crook of my neck. I understood all he said to me. I did. I know Marcus knew too much. In my head, I'd put together some of the stories he told me and realized they were about s.ex. And he was sad all the time about it. So I guess Harry is right, trying to make me be patient.

"Ok. I'll trust you. I believe you. I hope I understand soon, though, because I truly do feel stupid. And you talking in my neck is making me....have that urge again. It's tingling my neck, and spreading from there..." He lifted his head up right away. "Oh, sorry!" He laughed. "You are a ho.rny one, aren't you? I guess so, being 23 and never...........right. Ok. Yeah." He stopped talking and looked directly at me.