By The Brown Grass

A Shoulder to Cry On

"You know forget what I said. I'll just have you know if you tell anyone I told you any of these things, I will crush you, Nathan." I will crush you. Man, I'd be lying if I said my heart didn't sink. And how did she know my name? But she then spoke again. "I saw everything." My head turned quickly and saw her expression turn more serious than before. "You mean.." There was no need to finish. She knew what I was going on about.
"Mhm. I didn't really leave you. You helped me, and I wanted to say thanks. So.. thanks." She spoke with a shrug. I noticed she was starting to smile slightly and it made me do tell same. Too bad it didn't last very long. She had a nice smile I wish I'd see more often. But I get why she doesn't. "So, you're going to tell me how I got here?" But before she could answer, Isiah opened the door.
"Maple said she didn't need me but luckily, I ran into Mr. Hynook. Here's something to eat, you must be starving, kid." He pulled out a tray to put my meal on. Pudding and chicken nuggets? And there's even a couple pizza bagels with gummies. I noticed he was smiling at the excitement on my face. "I've never had a pizza bagel before! My parents--" Isiah's smile turned serious and the little girl just looked on the ground. Does she know what happened to them? "Hey, Regein, how about you go play with Ray and Paola. They asked for you while I was down there." She turned and she waved at me and exited.
Isiah sat by me with a pineapple juice and patted my back. "You're gonna do great things, Nathan. You see this place? One day you won't be here. You'll probably be a famous musician or a tutor one day. When you do, come back and remember where you once were. But for now, I want you to focus on the positive things. You know why?" I didn't answer because I was starting to tear up. "Because you have the potential to go far. As far as you want. Stay positive because it clears your dark path to a brighter one." He said in an almost whispered voice. "no.. I can't.. and I never will. Why is it so hard to understand?" Saying that, all the tears poured out my eyes or that's how it felt.
I knew I was being a baby, but I couldn't control it. If I was in Isiah's shoes, I wouldn't know what to do either. He was rubbing my back. "You know, some kids here are here because they ran away from abusive guardians. Some are here because their parents past on so those children don't have parents at all." I didn't really get his point, but I listened. "Those kids are so happy here. But I know at night, they are crying. They just want a loving family. Two parents, no matter the gender, in a loving home. That's what they want. Love. And I know you haven't had love in a while." I felt my heart thunder and my face turned warm. He's right, I haven't had love. I was speechless. No one has ever been so right about me. Most kids at school laughed at my clothes because they didn't understand what happens outside of school. If they saw where I was, they wouldn't be laughing then. They didn't get me like Isiah. And it made me cry. I always had pitied myself for the way I am. However, Isiah made me feel a connection. The only other person I connected to like this was Kota. The thought made me cry even harder, so hard I couldn't breath. I just wanted to die. Maybe if I did... I could see Kota again. I was hyperventilating after I caught a breath. And I didn't hold back on my cries and I screamed. No.. Kota. I need you now more than ever. I just need Kota. I hit my head multiple times with my fist and screamed which caused Isiah to hold my arms down.
"Nathan, please stop this. Nathan, please." I heard his voice start to come then go and crack as if he were going to cry. And that's exactly what he did. I didn't know why he cried with me, but he's been so good to me that I tried to stop crying so he would stop crying. But it wasn't going to happen. Isiah and I cried together. Did he cry because he sees this so much? Or was he also going or has gone through things? Now I remembered a place. A place me and my sister used to go to. It wasn't pretty but it didn't matter. I wish I had someone to bring there now.