If Harry Died // Harry Styles H.S. (Alternate ending to "Cross My Heart")

Ch. 2: He's Gone. He Died For ME.

I didn't even know how I was going to do this. I'd have to what....lock her in a room? Handcuff her to the bed? I didn't know HOW I'd do this. I'd just take it as it came.

And I'd keep her secure for as long as it took. I had promised Harry.
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I woke up in a hospital chair. I didn't even know how I got here. How did I not remember? My brain was nothing but fog. Why was I not in a hospital bed? Oh, because I wasn't injured. I went through that entire time of hell, and I wasn't even injured. Yet Gwen was rap.ed over and over, by....I lost count of how many guys, and Harry....was dead.

I felt guilty as shit. Why was I fine? Couldn't we all have shared an equal amount of harm, and all still be here? Three friends that could bond over their few weeks of captivity?

No. We couldn't.

Life was not fair that way, apparently.

I looked around more, and I turned on the light on the wall next to the hospital bed. It was Gwen in the bed. I thought so, but I had to make sure...make sure I didn't sleep wander into someone's room or something. I was dressed in hospital socks, sweats that were too big for me, and a tee shirt.

And she looked cozy. She wasn't hooked into any machines or anything, and I just had this overwhelming need to cuddle to her. There was just something inside me that missed Harry, and being near her was the closest thing to him. It wasn't even about my feelings for her. I just...wanted to be in Harry's "world". The world he'd known. Just to be as close to him as I could be.

I snuck around to the other side of her bed, and climbed in carefully so as not to wake her.

I cuddled against the back of her, but didn't put my arm around her or anything. I'd hate for her to wake up thinking I was Harry...again, but this time, being overcome with grief, thinking it was all a dream or something, and he was actually still alive. I don't know. It was hard already, trying to cover all my bases, to make sure everything I did was was right for Gwen, but at the same time, desperately needing someone to comfort ME too.

I thought about how tough life was going to be now, as I fell asleep listening to Gwen's peaceful breathing. She was at peace right now. I wasn't looking forward to when she woke up.

GWEN'S POV:

My eyes opened, and my first thought was Harry. Of course. It was too traumatic to forget, even coming from a deep sleep. I could feel the loss of him as I slept, so there was no forgetting. There was no quick second of hope in the new day when I became conscious in the morning. There was only sadness. Pushing down on my chest. Making it hard for me to breathe.

Instantly, heavy sobs that were waiting for consciousness to be let out, exploded out of me. I kept them silent, but they rocked through my body, causing my knees to lift up and curl into my chest and my hands come up and grab the sides of my head.

I shook as the pain tried to escape me through every silent sob. I lost myself in the realization of what my life would be like now. From this second on. It would NEVER be better. Never be fixed. My knees that were curled into my chest in the air, started to fall sideways onto the bed as I clenched my stomach tighter, making my body curl further into a heaping ball of pain and mess. I collapsed sideways, hands twisting and tugging at the hair on the sides of my head, when I bumped something with my butt.

I realized a few seconds later, that there was someone breathing behind me.

I turned quickly, and bumped someone's chest.

Lou.

He was asleep in the bed with me.

His hands were tucked between his thighs as if he was still respecting Harry and not touching me.