THE FUNERAL PLANNER

Chapter Eight Part 1: Competitive Landscape - History Repeats Itself

I throw down the paper and look at Sierra. “How is this possible? What does he do, have a chip in my brain that tracks novel business ideas? Even if he read the article on Lights Out, he wouldn’t be able to copycat me like this, and in such record time!”

Sierra shakes her head. “It’s weird, Maddy. Twilight Zone weird.”

“I have to go over there.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

But I’ve already begun my journey. I stomp toward the main aisle. As I turn the corner I stop in my tracks. My mouth drops open. The most extravagant exhibit on the whole floor is Tribute in a Box. Not only is there a slick life cele­bratory video on a giant eighty-foot HD plasma screen that bares an uncanny resemblance to my life bio video template cut-by-cut, but it seems like every concept of my business plan is on display in 3-D virtual hologram format, rotating at different points in the booth. On top of that, celebrity look-alikes for Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Jennifer Aniston, Tom Cruise, Bob Dylan and Donald Trump wander the perimeters of the booth blurting out their trademark lines, shaking hands with all of the attendees, and promising to speak on their behalf at their time of need as long as it’s arranged in advance via the Tribute in a Box Pre-need Celebrity Package.

I blink and take a step closer, only to discover none other than Jonny Bright animatedly propagating the business to a crowd of funeral-home owners.

I grab Sierra’s arm. “That’s...that’s...that’s Jonny Bright!”

Sierra shakes her head. “Holy shit. He never got back to you on your business plan. You’ve got one hell of a lawsuit if you ask me.” I start heading toward Jonny. Sierra grabs my arm. “Don’t go there, Maddy. Remember what Professor Osaka taught us. You’ll just reveal weakness inside your anger. Besides, competition is good. Even your Uncle Sam told you it keeps you on your toes. Remember?”

“I’ve got my anger under control,” I mumble through tight lips. “I’m just going to do some competitive trolling, that’s all. Can you please watch the booth?”

“Do I have a choice?” asks Sierra. “Maddy, if you’re going to walk into the lions’ den...take Uncle Sam with you.” She hands me my purse.

I look awkwardly at her. “How did you know Uncle Sam was in here?”

“How long have I known you? I used to be your girl­friend, remember? It doesn’t mean I stop knowing you.”

I nod, pat my purse, walk right up to Jonny Bright and immediately unleash my anger. “Excuse me, but what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

In the distance, Sierra shakes her head and covers her eyes.

“Maddy! Hi! Um...welcome...welcome to, uh, Tribute in a, uh, Box,” Jonny stutters. He turns to the crowd. “And here’s a, uh, sample video for all, uh, of you to look at.” He hits Play on a DVD machine and moves to the side of the booth with me.

“Hey, you’re looking really, uh, hot. So, how are you, Maddy?” he asks, nervously wiping his hands on his pants.

“How am I?” I ask, infuriated. “You hold on to my in­tellectual property, you don’t return calls, you don’t com­municate, you pull a Houdini—on everyone—and you turn up here, with my business plan on display, and you ask ‘How am I?’”

“Look, Maddy. I think you’re, uh, way, way overreacting.” “Don’t you dare try to turn this around, Jonny.”

He swallows hard. “Look, how do you know I’m not pro­tecting you? That Derek didn’t come to me with the idea and I kept your plan away from him so there wouldn’t be a conflict of interest?”