So today I was in class.
I had been in my math class exhausted and waiting for the day to already end even though it was the beginning.
I sat now and smile because yeah I actually thought I looked really good today, Yuh know ? With my hair down a little wavy. I thought yeah people may look at me and think "Wow she's so pretty." But no. Sadly.
I sat down and a girl turned around well my "friend" and gave me a weird look as if I haven't taken a shower in ages.
So I give her a confused look and look down a little self-conscious about it. I look back up and I asked "What? Does it look bad or something?"
I didn't say it rudely I had said it shyly as if I am being rejected.
She said "Well it looks kinda bad.." And as soon as she said that my heart dropped.
"What?" I ask her after stares at me while I sit there feeling shamed that I actually thought I looked good.
"I mean it doesn't look really bad, but it doesn't look good." As she started that off I started to ignore her because I don't want to feel worse than she already had made it.
I then look down at myself a few times checking if there is anything else that looks bad other than my hair.
I sigh and log on to my computer to work on my math. What if I actually look that bad? Do I really have bad taste in great looks? Why do I always care about what people think?
I look around and slouch down now feeling as if everything I ever hear is true.
Well my "friend" turns back around and sees the way I look and says "hey.. You're over thinking it.."
I look down not wanting to make eye contact because obviously I should over think it because first of all its all I do and second of all she just said that my hair looked bad what am I suppose to do? Take it as a compliment?
I'm already sad enough. I don't need everyone's hurtful opinions. I want to be myself but I also love hearing what others think.
I feel like that's one thing I can't do is be accepted which is why rejection may be my number one fear.
That is why I get hurt by the smallest things because I always feel rejected.
When I say I'm afraid of rejection I mean I am afraid of people not accepting me. I'm not afraid of asking someone out, which is usually what people mean.
So what I did to make myself feel better is think about how big I smiled in the mirror after I was done with my hair. That smile should be the one I keep on my face.
No one else's opinion should hurt you because if you love it that's all that matters.
It's a common quote, but being different is okay. It's better than trying to be like everyone else.
Be whatever you want to be.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way and deserves to he accepted so if you ever feel rejected by someone because the way you look, tell them to fuck off.
Or smile and wave it off because you don't need that hatred in your life.
Especially from your friends. If they don't accept you don't let them expect you to accept them.
I mean yes it is good for friends to give you tips but if they get mad because you don't want to do what they think is best for you. Obviously they don't know what's best for themselves.
My hair will stay how it wants whether anyone would like that or not. My hair was perfect today.
Y'all are beautiful.
-Marissa
