How to Be Cliche (A Novel)

(17) Bedazzle This, Betch!

                  "Wow, the dumbass president of the newspaper really did interview the killer, Ronny!"

                  Ronny flipped his imaginary long hair."Told ya, babe. Totes scandalous, right?"

                  I rolled my eyes at him. "Totes."  I then shut my laptop, wiping a hand slowly down my face. "I need to find out who Smiley is before he kills somebody else, and I need both of you guys in order to do it," I said, pushing my laptop to the side and opening up the notebook next to me. "Now, where should we even begin? Interviews of witnesses?"

                  Clicking my pen, I looked up, to see that both of my guests weren't listening to  a word that I was saying.

                  "Be gentle!" Gary whined, as Ronny smacked on the last Hello Kitty band aid to the small scrape on his chest. Gary had insisted his brother apply ten bandages on the cut to make sure he didn't "bleed out". The funny part was, Goth Boy waited until he came over my house to actually apply anything and all that I had was a box of Hello Kitty Band-Aids.

                  "Had to make sure it was sticking good, Garbear," Ronny assured Gary with a pat on the shoulder, then winked at me.

                  "I told you not to call me that," Gary hissed through his teeth.

                  "Aw, Garbear's all mad," I said mockingly, pouting my lip.

                  Gary shot daggers at me.

                   Leafing through his backpack, Ronny then took out a rainbow bedazzler and loaded it with small pink gems. "Ok, now let's make this warrior wound look like something out of Vogue."

                  "Pepper, hand me my shirt! Quick!" Gary said frantically, dropping the stink eye.

                  "I'm going to bedazzle the amazeballs out of you, betch!" Ronny dove for Gary's bandages right as I tossed Gary's t-shirt at his chest.

                  "Drats!" Ronny said as Gary covered his chest with his shirt protectively. Ronny smacked his hand against his thigh. "Why couldn't I get a stepbrother that likes to be sparkly and has a rainbow comforter like me? And might I add, this whole "My Hot Step Brother is Totally Hot and Wants to Bang Me" thing that's girls are obsessed with writing about in books is totally F to the A to the K to the E."

                  "Ronny!" I laughed out.

                  "Ah, whatever. Gary knows I wouldn't bang him even if I was in the jungle and he was the only boy within a seventy mile radius, and I had recently watched Magic Mike and was all hot and bothered. However... if you would only stop putting that terrifying makeup on your face and walked around shirtless more often maybe I would consider some sort of arrangement..."

                  Gary looked as if Ronny had touched upon "brotherly love" arrangements for some time.  "Ronny, you need a boyfriend if you're still taking pictures of me shirtless when I'm not looking," he said, then dropped his shirt from his chest that he had been using as a shield and pulled it over his head. As his head poked through the top of the shirt, his hair had become brushed out of his face, I was once again shocked at how drastically different Gary looked with his dark hair not all over his face like that harry dude from the Adam's Family.

                  I was even starting to get used to the fact that Gary packed one hell of a set of abs underneath all of his Goth clothes. It made me wonder what kind of person was behind all of the black lipstick, eyeliner, piercings, and pale makeup....