Smile for the Cameras

When Almost is Enough

AN: This is short. I'm dying from school guys idk how to deal. :( I'm on meds agaaaiiin. I'm really sorry for keeping you guys waiting.

It was like a snowball rolling down hill.

It had started with that first confession, and it had been innocent enough. I just wanted too hear your voice. But it had warmed Shay's insides and it had made something inside of her bloom, something that gave her enough strength to start calling in the morning, technically her nighttime. And it had started out with stupid excuses.

"Listen, Ash thinks ties are hotter than suspenders. Help me out here."

"Suspenders. Definitely suspenders, Shay."

Then-

"Ok, but really, should I have cereal for dinner? Or nah?"

"You need to eat better! I swear you were eating healthier when I was there."

To-

"You said you'd tell me about that guy you saw."

"I did! He was really friendly at first, but..."

And it was all inane, and innocent and really. And Shay was giddy about everything. That they've moved past awkward texting to calls, and they were doing almost everyday, and they were always laughing when they did. And Shay sometimes found herself more tired than she usually was during the morning, having spent more time waiting for Sasha's breaks than she wanted to admit. And maybe Sasha had started to chastise her for it.

Shay couldn't find it in herself to feel bad.

And the calls continued, lengthened. Until-

"Hey, Sash, I-"

"Shay. Shay wait-"

Then the call dropped. And it was the first time it happened. And Shay felt her stomach drop just as suddenly, felt her heart thud loudly in her chest. Because she had been calling so much. Maybe too much, she thought, as she stared at her phone.

And Sasha had sounded winded. Breathless. Like she had been going on a run. Or like she was in a rush. Or like she had been making out with some-

No.

Shay wasn't going to think about that.

She had assumed that it was ok with Sasha. Shay had started to think about it as their thing, their thing while they had to pass the time until Sasha came back, their thing until Sasha was back in the US, their thing until they were once again united. Shay thought they were moving somewhere, because this was exactly how they had been, except they were in the same place before, and now they were on opposites sides of the world.

And maybe it was difficult. Maybe hearing Sasha's voice made Shay yearn for the blonde all the more. Maybe there were days when it was already too late during the night and too early in the morning and Shay felt the longing become unbearable and she'd open websites on booking flights for the next weekend, maybe the next day. She wouldn't have to stay long. She only had to be there every weekend maybe. She could afford it. She could spend all that time and effort and be happy with those two days until she could Sasha again for more than that.

She thought they were going somewhere.

But she'd also felt Sasha become more distant in the past few calls. Sasha said it was just because things were getting more and more hectic. She was bound for a fashion show before El's birthday, and Shay had been very understandable. Shay had believed her, giving her more time, some space. Shay thought it was just that. Of course there was some level of doubt, some level of questioning, but Sasha had sounded so sincere whenever she apologized.