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I was 14, he was 16 when we met but then I was only his sisters best friend at the time.

We hadn't started anything till I was 15 when he found out I too was involved with gang activity, and who my brother had been.

My brother is dead now.

I had thought he only wanted to get in my pants but I didn't care that's how these gang boys are, fuck all the girls they can on a pile of money they had earned dealing through the week.

Like every girl, I had a thing for bad boys to me he was the badest.

He never said much or showed many signs of emotion but there was just something telling me he was genuine and I could trust him so I did.

We started a relationship, it was different  mostly sexual after he took my virginity on my 16th birthday but I knew he loved me it was just the little things that showed it, he was afraid to say it and I never pressured him too.

His sister was pissed when she found out about us, she didn't speak to either of us for days but eventually got over it.

She wasn't like us, she was smart and good and had a bright future.

It was at 18 when I really fucked up.




All three had been positive.

Not sure why I was so surprise, I knew it I hadn't had my period in three months.

I was in denial.

I was only 18.

I was involved in gang activity and drugs, I wasn't ready at all to be a mother.

My boyfriend a 20 year old gang leader and a drug dealer for fucks sake, neither one of us were ready to be parents.

But I had to tell him, he had a right to know about his kid whether he wanted it or not.

He was probably gonna kill me, I knew we weren't gonna be some happy family.

But I never got the chance to tell him.

He was arrest when the cops busted a huge drug ring.

They arrested him and that was it I never saw him or spoke to him after.

His sister had filled me in later that night as she cried.

I wasn't one to show emotion so I held in my tears, I was hurting, I loved him.

She handed me a piece of paper that night before she left, she said it was from him.

I love you

After reading those three words I cried for the first time since my brother died.

Those three words also made my life changing decision.

I wanted out of this life.

I wanted away from the violence and drugs.

I wanted to keep my baby.

I just hoped when he got out he wouldn't hate me for this decision.

I hoped he understood that this is what I needed.

I was starting over.


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