WITCHES and FREAKS

April 3rd

We're going to the cave tomorrow! I'm super excited! Bastian and I bought two sleeping bags in case I ever let him come to the cave, and a little electric stove, and a bunch of boxes on a rack to keep things in, and a first aid kit, and a battery charger that charges three batteries at once, and a battery-powered lantern, and Bastian says he's going to invent a thing to crank the handle on the charger automatically and it'll be powered by only one battery so I can just hook it up and have it charge the other batteries until it runs out and then switch one out and let it go again and then I'll have two whole extra batteries and it's going to be great! And we also got an emergency food kit with dried stuff in it in case I ever get trapped because it snows here so if a blizzard rolls through I can stay in the cave for a while. We also got a folding chair and a couple of backpacks and flashlights and I got three whole boxes of matches. If we forgot anything we can just go back for more because Bastian still has a hundred dollars left and he says he's so happy seeing how happy I am that he might give me twenty of those dollars to keep for an emergency.

Verge has caught wind of what we're doing though. That guy is such an itchy sweater. And he isn't even pretty like mine is. He noticed all of our camping supplies and is constantly bothering us about what we're going to do with them. He told Mom and Dad about what he thinks our plans are and even though neither of them disapprove of the idea of us having a secret stash of survival gear in the forest he still thinks it's a big deal and he wants to get in the way as much as he can. It's like getting in the way is all a big game to him. And it's just super annoying. I'm afraid he's going to try to follow me to the cave tomorrow. It wouldn't be unlike him. I mean, it's the weekend. He can go outside just as much as we can. But he doesn't. He's only going to go outside if it means bothering the rest of us. He's too worried about spiders and dangerous animals and the stray criminal even though spiders are tiny and can't hurt him and there aren't any dangerous animals this close to town and there aren't any criminals at all. He's just a giant sourpuss and it's terrible! And even as much as he hates the woods he's STILL going to follow me. I just know it. I think maybe Bastian should keep him here until I can go far enough into the woods so he can't find me, and maybe I should take the box with me. I don't think it's as safe as we think it is behind the cellar wall. Verge is a wimp and he doesn't like going where cobwebs are but after living here for a little more than two weeks I think he's starting to get more explorational and he's going to start wondering why we're so weird about the cellar. And he's going to go down there and find the box and he'll give it to our parents even though it's OURS and we'll never see it again. And I don't even know how to describe the feeling in words but I just CAN'T let anyone else take the box. It's not something that can be allowed to happen. It just. . . CAN'T. The feeling is so absolute and overwhelming that it hurts to even think about the box being taken away. Whatever's in it needs to stay between me and Bastian because if it was allowed to go to anyone else I think the eyes would stop just being eyes. It's like that feeling you get when you know you're bringing home a bad report card but you can't do anything about it and you know you're going to get punished and there isn't anything that can stop it, only WORSE. I think that's dread. Yeah, I just asked Bastian and he says it's dread. I feel dread. That box gives me dread and I don't know why, and it needs to stay a secret.

And the pictures on the walls are multiplying. I went back down and turned on Bastian's blacklight and there are more pictures on the wall that weren't there before. All of them twist and twine together so they all make one big beautiful pattern, and another piece of it appears every hour, like it's all a countdown and when the wall is completely full something will happen. It's freaky. I could never draw the whole thing because there are just too many details, and it's like someone is having too much fun. Like there's a ghost drawing on the wall with a ghost pen and what we're seeing is the ink. It's unnerving. But the pictures aren't what make me feel funny anymore so now they're just beautiful. And what comes with THEM is the opposite of dread. Like whatever's drawing the pictures is a really good thing and it's here to help us.

Chance is also acting kind of weird. He was normal yesterday, but I think he made an imaginary friend because he keeps talking to nothing. That's not strange in kids his age. I myself had three imaginary friends when I was little. Fred, Danny and Beatrice were all my best friends and I miss them sometimes even though I know they're not real. But Chance's imaginary friend is really, really weird. Chance says he's blue and he has long pointy ears and these big red eyes, and he wears a big mottled green cloak. I didn't even think Chance knew the word mottled, but that's what he used. He says the guy is called Ols and he's from some other world where there are all kinds of strange things. And since he started talking to Ols, he's been drawing things on every bit of paper he can get his hands on. There are dogs with six legs and flying things that look kind of like dragons except I can't tell because he's six and not a good drawer yet. And there's this girl dressed in turquoise who he says is a good fairy, and he says there are evil fairies trying to catch her and steal her magic. I mean, I know we're a creative family (except for Verge) but it's like he's suddenly invented a whole world for himself. Dad says it's normal but I'm not so sure.

I'm going to go pack things for tomorrow. I'll need to make a lot of trips since there's so much stuff, but it's only a two mile walk and I visited the cave yesterday so I know where I'm going. All we have to do is distract Verge. And find a way to get the box out without damaging it. Something tells me damaging the box is a very, very bad idea.