Comebacks, jokes, insults

LAST Weird Questions

i find these funny 

well most of them

^_^

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If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"

If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?

If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer?

If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down? 

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?

If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air? 

If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

If the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? 

If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of? 

If flowers don’t talk back to you, are they mums?

If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show?

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

If I save time, when do I get it back?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? 

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?

If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?

If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money?

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i'm tearing up right now cause

this is the last of weird questions

unless you guys want more????

laters

~awsome~