Chapter 5- My Feelings.

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My feelings aren't the best. I know. They're the worst. They make me acting bad with the people I love. Do I seem depressed ? I've been asking myself that. I don't think it. I'm just on an existential crisis. But if I have depression, that wouldn't be a big news. Anyway. Feelings about love can make you strong, and they can make you sad. That's it. You can't do anything about it.
About family feelings..
Don't ask me to explain them. I suck at it. Let's continue talking about love,
You know, I'm still confused about Fiddleford. He makes me happy. Hey but- I'm 19 years and I don't know what to think about love choices. Should I met him once or twice a week ? To make our friendship stronger- maybe.
But he's cute.
Yeah.
I have a feeling about him, that isn't a friendly one, that isn't a lovely one, it's a special feeling, that I hope never ends.
It appears like this..
[...]
Damn. 11 pm and I can't sleep.
I'm thinking about what should I do with him...
Fiddleford.
He's so nice to me so why can't we start meeting up ?
Should I call him ?
I taken the phone downstairs and composed his number.
"- Hello ?"
Crap. What should I say ? And what if he gets mad ?
"- Um.. Hi.. I-I just wanted t-to hear your voice.
- How are you today ?
- I-I'm fine.. Th-Thanks,
- Good to know.
- H-Hey, do you w-wanna meet up ?
- Is that a-a date ?
- I- I don't know ! Maybe..
- I love you. Don't forget that."
I became red. Litterally.
"- I-I love you too..
- Tomorrow at 5 pm in front of your house ?
- Y-yes. S-see you tomorrow !"
I just.. Wow. Is that a date ?
I slept well.
[tomorrow]
Yes ! It's 5 pm. I took my jacket and came outside.
Fiddleford is here.
"Hey, Fidds.
- Hey, Stan.
- What will we do ?
- I know a good place. Let's go !"
I didn't know where were we get..
"- Here is it. A lonely place.
- What is this place ?
- The best place ever for us.
- But.. What should we gonna do here ?
- Shh. Just listen."
He kissed me again- I didn't know how to react. I'm having a strange feeling..
It's love, Stan. You're in love with him.
How ?..
"- Fiddleford.. Why are you in love with me ?
- Because.. There isn't any explanation about love. It's love. And do you have an explanation ?
- Because you're the only who treats me like.. A good guy.. You're making me happy after all this time of suffer..
- Good to know. Sit down now."
I sat down and.. He started talking. He started talking about his childhood memories.. He talks to me like a confident.
"- Stan, are you okay ?"
I didn't noticed I was in admiration about his eyes. They're so cute.
"- I was just disconnected because.. I love your eyes. Damn.. I'm obsessed about you.
- You're so cute."
He softly kissed me again..
Is that love ? Oh..
[...]
I think we can be on a relationship together.
I came upstairs in my room and slept. I feel loved. For once.
[...]
"- Hey Stan ! Get up ! I have to talk with you !"
I get downstairs and I started eating cereals. You know, breakfast stuff.
"- Are you gay ?"
I didn't know how to reply back.
"- I saw you with Fiddleford. The way you look at him. It's kinda cute.
- I-.. I am.
- But you like girls too !
- I'm confused.
- At least you two are cute."
I felt happy. My brother approves !
Ahh.. Good news.. :)
"- Don't make him suffer !"
Haha, don't worry. I got the good one for once.
I get outside.. A present ?
"Hey !
This is for you.
Fidds."
A letter.
"Hey man !
Just wanted to tell you
How much I love you !
To the moon and back !
Forever.."
Wow. How cute. Should I reply ?
I came at his house, and knocked.
"- Hey Stan.."
There was something strange.. In his voice.. Nevermind.
"- H-hey !.."
I blushed like always.
I entered, we set on his saloon.. We started talking..
"-... Wanna hear a story ?
- Yes.. Why not.
- Once upon a time, there was a 19-year-old awkward man who had feelings about a man. He was so confused about that, but he trusted the love the man gave to him.
He was so naïve..
The man didn't love him..
It was just a way to make him suffer..
And when he noticed it..
It was too late.
- This story.. Reminds me of something."
Wait.
It's me.
"- Bruh.. Didn't you noticed anything ?
- Fiddleford.. Why ?
- You're a poor naive child. Fiddleford don't love you at all !
- Why did you do me this ?..
I get out, ran.. But there was a floating thing !
It had Fidds' face..
I saw my brother. Lucky !
"- Bro ! This thing.. It's Fiddleford !
- .. Oh crap.. Bill... Stay away Stan !
- What ? Who is Bill ?
- You mean.. What is Bill.
- How did it happen ? What's wrong with him ? Answer me !
- Fiddleford isn't him. Did he tell you something hurting ?
- .. Yeah.. I guess..
- It was Bill. He's making you suffer. Don't worry, Fidds still loves you. But this thing is bigger than I thought.. I need place. Go away Stan !
- Why ? Can't I save him ?
- Only true powers will save him.
- But.. I love him ! And it's still him is this corpse !
- Now it's Bill. And he doesn't love you. Now go away."
I get inside the shack..
Why couldn't I do anything for him..?
This damn feeling again !.. Ugh.
[...]
"- S-Stan ? Where are you ? It's fine.. Bill's not here anymore..
- And where is Fidds now ? I-I need to see him !
- Listen.. It's better for you if you stay away from him..
- What.. A-are you telling me I can't see him ? Or talk to him ? Are you kidding me ?
- Stan.. I need to protect you..
- No ! I'm not a child ! I can protect myself from true danger, and he's not ! Ford ! Why are you doing me this ? You knew I finally got happy ! You-you can't tell me this..
LET ME SEE HIM ! Please.."
My brother hugged me to stop shouting. He knew I was hurted.
Internally hurted.

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