Elliot Granger & The Clueless Brigade

Chapter One: Lost souls recognize others of its kin

I never knew where to sit. It was close to impossible to figure out what was the least of the evils. But, the idea of sitting between two people and having our arms touching was always way worse sounding like sitting closest to the group leader. No one wanted to sit anywhere near Sue. She reeked of lemongrass and patchouli. She was always touching those close to her, in the way some gestured with their hands when they talked, Sue squeezed arms and shoulders. The other unfortunate side effect of sitting close to Sue was that she always spoke to the patients closest to her the most.

I guess that's what I was, a patient.

But, even though it was all horrible and wanted to know what I could do to be done with this torture. I ended up sitting near Sue and away from all the other patients. Their energy combined overwhelmed me to a point that made being slowly asphyxiated by Sue's smells a better choice. I didn't want any part of their mess or drama. People scared me. Now that mom was gone, Peter was really all I had. But, I was okay with that. I didn't need a lot. I just needed someone to understand. He understands. Pete's been here the whole time.

I sat with back pressed firmly into the seat hoping the friction will help keep in my seat. Nerves tended to build up in the base of my feet and more rapidly than gradually would climb up my legs. This feeling of anxiety hung out inside of me pretty much the entire I was there. This wasn't something I attempted to explain to Glen or Joan. I knew they didn't care. I was just biding my time. I crossed my arms in hopes of shielding myself from the world that filed in after me.

Josh who starts fires and sells drugs occasionally. Mark who screams at everyone who looks at him. Robbie and Margo came in plotting something. With every person came more tension building in my stomach. Voices clamored in the background. I reached into my pocket for my book, then remembered it was in the bag of stuff that couldn't come through the group's doors. I was a prisoner here, four hours a day.

It made me angry. My life was fine, good even. My mom and I had a good thing. I for one loved having a young mom. She was my best friend as well my mother. The older I got, the closer those sixteen years seemed to get. I wasn't supposed to a troubled kid. That wasn't our plan. I wish someone could help me get out of my way. Glen seemed to think I didn't care or think I was a mess. But, I could, I just didn't how to fix myself. I wasn't sure I could.

Sue came in soaking the entire room in a thick patchouli fog. She sent my gummy smile as we walked toward me. My lung and sinuses filled with scent. I sneezed. I viewed everyone behind blurred eyes for a moment before I whipped them with the back of my sleeve. Sue sat down, folded her hands in her lap and closed her eyes.

She did this at the beginning of every group. It wasn't praying, at least, I don't think it was. It leaned more to the side of attempting to bring peace in the room by bowing her head and folding her hands. I guess that's kind of what praying is. I'm not sure the effect it had on the others in the group because I didn't speak to them but it made me want to scream in frustration. I felt insulted. Perhaps that was irrational. I'm not going to deny that.

After a few awkward moments of silence and Sue's gray hair head bent in relation over her hands. Her pale blue eyes settled right on me like a tiger on a calf. "Elliot, why don't you start today. We are gonna start with introductions, as usual, then please go into how you are working on you this past week." Sue dance her hands around as words climbed into my throat and made nervous. I hated talking, especially about me and especially here.

"No, thanks," my voice cracked. Two or three chuckles from others bounced around the circle of chairs and eyes.

"Talking is a part of the healing process. Acceptance in yourself starts here." Sue's voice sung at me in an annoying chipper. Words she said meant nothing to me, their eight didn't hold up.