I try to keep my head up I try to keep my head up. My life is like a planet with little sun and usually always black I try to stay happy, but the devil doesn't play fair. My family members die back to back to back as I go through middle school starting with my grandpa my favorite family member he always said he needed to go to the hospital. I remember the night before he fell into a coma I told him to go to the hospital and the next day I couldn't talk to him I couldn't even talk. The devil brung me down so low because in that time of life I was getting good grades until then, but after that I never got past a 3.0 I couldn't even bring myself to do homework and I still have problems with it and I look for the strength within, but it's always hidden like the doors locked and I can't get in he died 3 months later on January 28 2014. Almost 10 months later my aunt Linda hornbuckle a famous blues singer died of lung cancer do to the cigarettes she had stopped smoking 10 years ago she died in the month of October 2014. After that my family thought we made it through a year as it was December 20, but my uncle Paul had liver problems he was hospitalized on December 22 and died at about 11: 35 December 24 on my other uncles birthday and right before Christmas I wasn't cheerful at all. I'm not a rude or unhappy person I my family just is targeted by the unhappy grey clouds that rains on us every year. I have been trying my hardest to stay happy, but at school I hate it I hate that when I try to help people or stand up for myself it comes back on me 20 times harder. At school I try to act as if I'm fine and like to joke around, but when I get home I wonder who's next and if it's me I constantly wonder why my family is being sniped off and we can't find were it's coming from. I have 2 older sisters one that is 22 and the other 18. My mom and grandma have fibromyalgia and get balls on there skin my mom has been through many surgeries, but it never helps her. My 18 year old sister is having those problems worse than her. A few days ago me and her got into a fight and that was the first time I ever cursed at my sister I felt bad doing so she kicked my knee and I pushed her away I then walked home. I wonder if she's next she went to the doctor and was having a problem with her stomach yesterday they said nothing was wrong but I can see something bulging out of her stomach because she wears half shirts at home. I don't understand why everything I try to do to help hurts me I only wanna help people then I'm the one who gets hurt for it. I wonder why I'm even here because all I am is a bomb because everything I touch blows up. The only thing I'm good at is art literally nothing else so I'll guess I'll just stick to art maybe that's my happiness.
