When The Extrovert Meets The Introvert

Chapter 1

I felt better already. Last night was horrible. I just found out that my sister wont support me if i will continue my studies in a private university in a distant city. I felt terrible. Its just that I dreamt having in that university. I travelled miles just to pass the required documents. But all of those were put to waste. But on the contrary, I felt sympathy on her. Its just that my sister worked full time in a firm away from here just to support us. I dont even know what her work is. I dont have any plans anyway to find out about that. I just wanted to her to know that I am willing to take sacrifices just to go to that particular university. I beg her last night but the wound started to tear my heart apart.

"What will you do, go on and study there? What if you cant survive? What if.."

"I have my scholarship, sis." I call her sis since she's my older sister, obviously. "I just passed the papers this morning but surely they will accept me. I have good grades."

I finger-crossed hoping that she would buy what i have said.

Pardon me but that was not an alliby, it was the truth. I went there to submit the required documents this morning and went home. Time sure ran fast. Now, i was in the realization of life and death. Or maybe i was just exaggerating knowing that if ever i cant be in that school, i will have my life.

"Grades will never be enough. You young man must choose. Study in an expensive school but leave YOUR family financially unstable or just study in a nearby public school wherein you can still enjoy a standard education and at the same time help mom and dad in their money problems?"

I was shocked, bewildered, sad, angry, all of the emotions with the exceptance of happiness flickered inside my now opened skull. I did feel something heavy landed on my back. I was dragged to the ground. I felt weak. Am i going to cry? Well, fortunately, the question was too late. I was already crying. Sobbing actually.

My sister kept yelling me for my decisions that are far reachable. She suggested to stop choosing just my own dreams but to start choosing the dreams that's whats best for all of us.

"Okay. I'll just study there." I gasped in a lonely way. I know it hurt but i must make the choice. I let those 5 words spit on my mouth like any choice.

Then she ended the call. I feel impassive like the world was my enemy. Why is it that my life is unfair?

It hurt. It really hurt. The opportunity was right there, standing in front of me, waiting for me to held its hand and explore whats in there but I cant. I just can't. My sister already held mine. I must go with her and do whats best.

Though i managed to pull the pieces together, it still doesnt heal the wound that is still aching my heart. The hurt wont left.

With all the impassivity I acquired, my emotions came back. I got my phone in my pocket and sarted to text all my friends saying that my private-school dream was on the river bank. That it was washed away by a strong force of gushing water. I cried all my emotions. Tears fell from my eyes as i type the letters. It was still there, the hurt, still breaking my heart.

Why is it that its always unfair? I asked myself again. Id been asking this question the same time since I made my decision just 5 minutes ago. And i always thought of the same answer. Because life is always NOT fair. But come on! Its unfair to me! I have put hard efforts on myself for these past couple of years. I studied hard and came on top. I graduated First Honours but why mom, dad that you agreed on the decision of my sister? Is it really the fairness that  matters or youre turning bias?

I put again the blame to my parents. I was becoming bad now. I sighed. I must get rid off these bad feelings. They were not the reasons, will never be. It was mine. All mine.

Messages flooded my inbox. Some cried with me but i know they didnt, why would they? They dont care for me. Maybe 10% of their mind cared but over-all they still didnt. They just  dont know the feeling when you were being subjected to a thought that will never be yours.

Anyhows, most gave their sympathy. They asked for the reasons why but i just simply replied, "Its too complicated :)" With a smiley face. That would make them happy for me but surely it wouldnt for me.

The hurt was still there. Breaking. Tearing. Stepping my heart from all the miseries that had happened today.

It was all i could bear. I couldnt take it. I lied in my bed. I wanted to go to sleep but was no use. It was already past 1am and i was still awake. I switched the light on and looked myself in the mirror. Gosh. Did i just kill myself? It looked like i murdered myself or something. My eyes were like tinted glasses but were broken. The once huge eyes were now small, vulnerable and weak. It frustrated me.

I went back to sleep or went to start to sleep. I sobbed. It was still there. I just hoped that this was just a nightmare. That when i woke up later this day, I would just ignore adn forget. That it didnt happen. That the wound was nothing, that didnt happen at all. I hoped. I just hoped. But it was no use. I was not dumb to know if i was dreaming or not, not a moron who wouldnt recognize any of these. 

I slept into an abyss i wished would never let me woke up into the reality.