Being young

PART 1: chapter 7

"Why does she cry still?" He asked not bothering to look at my face but at his hand on my scar. 

"I'm going to find it very hard to carry a baby when I'm older. I'm gonna need a Miracle, my mom even had a series miscarriages before me so the odds aren't exactly in my favour." he removed his hands off me and sighed. 

"I'm sorry" He said sadly,  I smiled at him weakly and placed my top back on

"Hey, It's fine. I mean it's not like I know for sure I'm never having children. Its just gonna be hard. I'm fine" I laughed but he didn't laugh. Instead he just watched my features  for a while. I looked down into his eyes, damn they were beautiful. The light bounced off them perfectly, they weren't too big, he had longer eyelashes than most boys seemed to have- well the top set anyway. His eyes were a dark brown, so dark that I could stare at them for years on end and never have to look away because I could completely get lost in them. He raised his hand to my cheek and whispered, 

"Bey, I really like you. A lot."  He told me. I bit down on my bottom lip, still gazing into his eyes and smiled,

"I like you too"  I admitted this time. I can't believe that just yesterday I refused to let him know I even thought about him. Monday I didn't even know him until he handed me my book back and I craved for his attention to return to me, Tuesday he carried me across the field when I hurt my ankle, he protected me from the kids taking photos of my naked body, he gave me a book to replace the one Shontelle and her friends had ruined, He pinned a boy up to the wall for saying something bad about me. Wednesday he kidnapped me, Thursday he brought me flowers, climbed through my bedroom window to check on me, complimented me non stop and made me feel better. Now it was Friday and he was willing to spend the day with me without going to school. 

"Go out with me today?" He asked abruptly, 

"No, Jay we can't." I looked away from him and his hand fell from my face and I ran my fingers through my hair. This reminded me of the events of the night before when I cut it in an angry rage so instead of it being past my shoulders as I was used to, it hung over them in a shaggy bob. 

"Why?"He asked confused, he scratched the back of his neck and sighed. 

"Don't you think we're moving a bit fast? I just met you on Monday" I pointed out, it was true. I know you don't just meet someone and fall in love in less than a week, It takes time and getting to know each other. A few days of talking about your past doesn't cut it, compliments being thrown back and forth isn't it either. You need to find their insecurities, believe in them, be happy for them, be sad with them, be there for them. It's a lot and it all takes a lot more time than what we've put in so far. 5 days? And I'm not even sure if Monday counts.  

"That's the thing about High School and Being Young, everything moves fast." He looked at me hopefully and I shook me head before smiling at him. It was a smile to say 'you're wrong but I still love you'. 

"No, not for me" I shook my head and rested my hands on my lap, "I'm not one of those girls you can have sex with and run off, I'm not just a temporary girlfriend. When I go for something I go all out, If you're not ready for a fully committed relationship- there's no point. I fall hard, Jay.  If I am with you it's not because I think you're cool for now, it's because I expect to get married to you and somehow have your children. We are not ready for that, we're still in that stage of 'I really like you' and 'isn't he/she the best?' or 'Do you think he'll/she'll actually say yes?' It's too fast to be going on dates or being seen together all the time. I really really like you, and I would gladly take my time with you, but if you can't do the same I'm sorry" I didn't know if everything I said would scare him away but it was how I felt. I didn't care about any other boy but him and I didn't like the thought of him being with anyone other than me, it made me feel sick but I didn't know if he was the same. I didn't know if he only wanted me for now, if he was planning to leave me.