I Love You, and I Still Do

Dean was the one who found him. Found him right outside of his, their, house. Shot straight through the chest. And those worthless shitheads that call themselves policemen haven't been able to find out who had shot his boyfriend, his beautiful boyfriend, Castiel.

The funeral was five days after the incident. It was mostly Cas' family. With his brothers, Gabriel, Lucifer, and Michael. Along with his father and at least a dozen of cousins, aunts and uncles, and even a few nieces and nephews. Ellen, Jo, and Bobby had showed up and Sam sat with them, knowing that Dean needed his space during these types of things. Dean didn't speak for almost 8 months after their mother had passed so he could only imagine how much heartache his older brother must be going through. Their father wasn't any better, turning to alcohol and drugs after Mary's passing. Neglecting their sons of a father figure. Dean was pretty much the one that raised Sam. Feeding him and making sure that he was doing good in school. It kind of served as a distraction from what was really wrong. This time though, Dean wouldn't have a distraction. He doesn't have a little brother to raise.

Dean sat right next to the casket during the whole funeral. Crying. He didn't hold back, and no one tried stopping him knowing that there's no way they'd be able to anyways. All of his emotions were just released once the funeral started, and throughout the whole service, no one bothered him. He was clenching one of Cas' shirts, trying to remember his smell. His mother got up and spoke, along with the rest of Cas' family. Jo and Ellen went up and talked about how Castiel had helped Dean throughout the short time that they were friends, and then into lovers. Hell, even Bobby got up and spoke, saying how Cas was practically family. He cared and protected Dean in a way that he couldn't. Somehow that made Dean cry even harder. The funeral was finished but they didn't put the casket down into the ground. "I understand how hard you're grieving." Said one of the gravediggers. "So I'll let you be here as long as you need. You have until dusk. I'm sorry for your loss." The man walked away and Dean hadn't let up on his crying but silently thanked the man for letting him stay.

It had to be no more than an hour when Dean had finally let up. He looked up at the flowers that laid on top of Cas' casket. His favorites; sunflowers and lilies. This made Dean start crying again. That's one of the things Dean loved about Cas, his love for flowers and nature. Cas had always wanted a garden, but since they lived in an apartment complex, they were never able to have one. So in replacing the garden there were potted plants everywhere in their little home. It wasn't a surprise to see Cas watering them whenever Dean came home from a long day from work. Dean didn't know what he would do now, never being able to see that again. Dean promised himself then that everyday when he came home from work, he's going to water every single plant that is in that apartment, and there's a lot. But Dean would still do it, because he knew it would make Cas happy. Dean was still crying and he could feel himself becoming dehydrated from the amount of it that he's been doing that day.

Dean cried for another 30 minutes without any signs of stopping, again. He somehow ended up on his side, clutching the grey AC DC shirt. A shirt that Dean had give Cas after their first time. They'd 'accidentally' gotten 'some substance' on Cas' shirt so Dean gave him his shirt. Apparently he'd kept it ever since and tried wearing it every night that he could. He loved that shirt because it was a part of Dean, so he always had a piece of him whenever he was away. Dean always found it adorable when he would go to see him early in the morning to find him wearing his old shirt. He never could get enough of seeing his little angel in his own old ratty T-shirt.

Dean wanted to stop crying, he knew that he needed to be strong, he needed to be strong for Cas. Even though Cas was the one that had convinced him that it was okay if he wasn't strong all the time. Cas was always so proud of him no matter what he did. Whenever he would get into fights at the bar, Cas would always say that he has a good reason to. Whenever he would do something reckless or did something that had almost gotten him killed, Cas would understand. Every. Single. Time. Always said that he had every good reason to do whatever it was that he did. Just to never do it again or he would get sex taken away for a week. That had happened at least six times. Dean cleaned up his act after the sixth week passed. It had been utter torture. Thinking about this made Dean slightly smile but he still hadn't let up on his weeping.