Beijing Story (Lan Yu)

The End

    THREE YEARS Later, I have immigrated to Canada and bought a house in West Vancouver. I have remarried. I do not have the kind of courage like Lanyu had to face my homosexual identity. Besides, the door to my feeling has totally shut a long time ago. I could not love my young wife. But I am doing my best to be considerate and take care of her.

    I have become religious. I am a Christian now. When I was baptized, I had doubted if God would accept me, this homosexual into his flock. Now that I am one of His subjects, I often pray to him:

    Lord! Please hear the prayer of this one who has sinned. I was in love with a person. I have given him so much pain. But now he is dead and I cannot make it up to him. I beg of you, merciful Lord, please accept him into Heaven. He had hurt no one when he was on this Earth. He was so kind, so righteous. The only thing he had done that he shouldn't was falling in love with someone he shouldn't and had an affair that was considered preposterous, shameless and decadent on Earth. But this affair was pure, innocent and eternal.

    Oh Lord! I have another request that you must grant. Wherever you have sent this boy, please let me be with him when I left this world. If he was in Heaven, let us rejoice there together, and tell about our love on earth, and let me make up to him. If he was in hell, then let me be in hell too, to stand behind him, holding his shoulders tightly with both my hands, pressing on his back, to bear the torture and fire of hell together. I will not have any regret.

    In the name of the Holy Father, the Holy Son and the Holy Ghost. Amen.

    The weather in Vancouver is nice. It is deep into autumn too, but there is not a shred of that drab. Most of the trees are still green, with only a few golden yellow leaves having floated down onto the green lawn. I am sitting in front of my doorway in the yard, hearing behind me the laughter of my mother, my wife and my daughter. I look up to see the setting sun at the end of the sky. In the chrysanthemum-red sunlight, I vaguely see Lanyu walking towards me slowly, looking at me in sadness, then smiles lightly. The smile is so natural, serene and bright...

___THE END___