Something just touched her shoulder.
"Damn Cady, we don't have to get up yet. Did you wet again?"
No reply...
Just as she starts to drift back off, she feels it again.
Slinging blankets and muttering under her breath, Ember flies up out of the bed she shares with her brother and sister.
She's irritated because her sister, Cady, has been wetting the bed lately, and her brother, Michael, bitches and raises hell with Cady over it, then tattles to daddy about it.
Which earns Cady a whipping for wetting the bed, Ember a couple for cleaning it up and not telling daddy, and Michael a few as well, for being a tattle tale. That's a perfect example of daddy's logic, actually.
In Embers world its damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Daddy's gonna hurt you either way.
She rubs her gritty eyes, straining to see in the dark.
A shadowy figure leans over her.
Its not her brother. Or her sister.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Not now. Not again. Please...
She squeezes her eyes tight, steels her nerves, and peers into the darkness again.
Its her mother.
She's safe for now..
"Oh god... What is it? I've got school today, so I'm not going to beg cigarettes or money off papaw. Just go lay on the couch and let me sleep."
Ember rolls over, yanks the blanket over her head, and immediately tosses it off again. Ugh..the smell.... Cady did wet again.
She lays still as stone. Hoping against hope that the drunk woman will think she fell back asleep and leave her alone. But after a few moments of hearing her mom's manic fidgeting and uneven breathing, she sits up again.
"Seriously, mom what is it?"
"Ember...Ember, hi sugar! Mommy's got something good to tell you! Mommy's tiny little Ember... You were gonna be the start of the fire for the rest of my life! My little ember of hope! Have I told you that story my sweet girl? The one bout how I picked your name?"
" Yes, momma you have a thousand times. And I know, your ember burned out. I never lit that fire for you. And I've told you lots of times that I'm real sorry for that, momma. But I want to go back to sleep now. So..."
" You have to listen to me Ember Grace Morrow. I am serious."
Ember realizes that her mom's ever present slur is...absent. Instead, the frail woman almost seems to be vibrating. Like her sickly thin body is full of pissed off bumble bees trying to find an exit.
Ember knows that this likely means her mother just pumped herself full of dope. Which means she's going to ramble for hours on end about nothing if Ember can't get her focused on something else. The last time this happened, she told her mom she saw daddy hiding something in the kitchen. It worked like a charm!
Convinced it was drugs, her mom spent hours in the tiny room, tearing it to pieces trying to find nothing. It served its purpose, and it was also funny for a while. Until she saw just how depraved and sick it actually was. Almost inhuman. It was like her mother turned into an animal. She feels bile rising in her throat at the memory, and she swallows hard a few times to keep from puking.
"Ember, look at me!"
"What is it mom?"
"Baby, I know life has been rough, and things aren't great all the time,"
Ugh. Yes, this is definitely her mother high on speed.
She does this every once in a blue moon. Suddenly feels the need to acknowledge what a worthless parent she is, to admit that she's failed her children from the very moment each of them was conceived.
Its a tired song and dance.
Ember is all too aware that it's just the play her momma decided to star in tonight. And tomorrow, or in ten minutes time, things will go back to normal. Or at least the warped routine that passes for normal in this tin can corner of hell.
"Mom what is it? I'm tired. Say whatever it is you need to say and let me sleep."
"Alright. Ember, baby, today as soon as you three get home from school..."
Suddenly Ember notices there is something else different about her mom at the moment. Its odd, but she almost sounds like there's a smile in her voice. Ember has never heard her mother so....happy. Must have been really good stuff this time.
"I mean as soon as you step foot off that bus..."
SLAM!
"CINDY, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, YOU WORTHLESS DOPE WHORE?!? DADDYS HOME AND IM READY TO GET AHOLD OF YOUR WORN OUT ASS!"
Ember watches as the carousel of emotions plays across her mothers haggard, picked at face. First she sees the joy. The addict perking up in anticipation of its next fix. Its followed by disgust, and something like fear.... She turns her head toward the voice, but she doesn't leave yet.
Leaning closer to Ember, she whispers-
"Ember, life's gonna be better after today! Just you wait-"
"BITCH I DONT WANNA PLAY HIDE AND SEEK WITH YOUR SKANKY ASS, I DONE SAID IM WAITING, SO GET THE FUCK IN HERE!"
Her mother takes a deep breath, exhales her vinegary beer breath in Ember's face, then runs her tobacco stained fingers through her hair as she stands to leave.
Ember watches her, confused and afraid to put any stock in the things her drug addled mother only half way said. Its better to believe that nothing will change.
Hoping only equals hurting.
Her mother pauses at the door, turns back to Ember, and blows her a kiss.
"This is the last time. I swear. After today, our fire is lit baby,"
Her eyes are glistening with tears, and for the first time in all her twelve years, Ember thinks her mother looks beautiful.
