Unchaining Alice

Chapter 16

“You would ‘ave made a wonderful maman,” Alice said truthfully. Alice liked to think she would have made a wonderful mother too. James would have been a good father … he still would when he decided to settle with another – most likely the malicious Sarah. His children would be treasured by all in his gorgeous family. They would have his dark blue eyes, the kind of colour that seemed to have no end. Their hair would be his shade of brown and be an uncontrollable mess just like his. His sons and daughters would be tall, not the height of a pixie like her. Of course, she would not be their mother. To be their mother would mean that Sarah would have miraculously grown a heart or perhaps the memory of her identity would have fallen out of her head.

“As will you one day,” Eloise countered.

“And I’d always thought they would be my nieces and nephews.” A voice startled them both. Their heads whipped around to see Annie standing in the doorway between the dining room and kitchen.

Not one of the Alcotts, bar James, had come to see her since she’d said goodbye to James back in June. She didn’t know whether James had put a ban on seeing her, or if they hated her for hurting their brother and son. She wouldn’t blame them for the latter.

“Annie,” Alice said slowly. “What are you doing ‘ere?”

Annie was still dressed in her Sunday best. Her dress was an ivory colour and she’d accessorised it with a matching bonnet and wrap to comply with the hot weather. “I decided to forgo James’ fatwā on you and come to say ‘hello’” she replied sullenly. Alice knew that she was upset with her.

“‘ow are you?” Alice asked timidly.

Annie rubbed her flat stomach carefully. “A little ill now and then but otherwise fine. My family knows now and they’re excited for us.” Annie sighed and looked at Alice sadly. “We miss you, Jacqueline.”  

“Your family ‘ardly knows me,” Alice said bashfully.

“They know enough. And Joseph and I know you. You’re our friend, Jacqueline.”

“Is James alright?” she asked, afraid to hear the answer, knowing it would not be good.

Annie shook her head. “No, he is not. His heart is broken, Jacqueline. I don’t think he realised how much he loved you until he lost you. Why won’t you see him? Did he wrong you in some way?”

“No!” Alice exclaimed instantly. “No, he did nothing wrong. It is me. It is my fault.” It was her own fault for being a criminal in the first place. It was her fault for needing a clergyman’s assurance that she was not a failure. It was her fault that Sarah suddenly had the ammunition to blackmail her.

“James won’t be angry at you. He loves you,” Annie urged.

She couldn’t, wouldn’t entertain that notion. That just made everything so much worse. She didn’t mind if only she were miserable. She didn’t want everyone else suffering because of her.

“I lied before. James knows I’m here,” Annie admitted, pulling a letter from inside the pocket of her gown. “He wanted me to give you this. He’s been learning … he’s trying to impress you … to win you back.” She crossed the room and handed the letter to Alice.

Alice looked over the stiff parchment in her hands. It was written in the same hand that had written her the letter containing the money for Eloise’s job. But instead of ‘Jacqueline’ on the front, it simply said ‘A’.

“He didn’t tell me what the ‘A’ was for. Just that it was between the two of you,” Annie explained.

‘Between them and Sarah,’ Alice thought sourly.