Faith

A Sorrowful Kiss

How can I do it?
How can I condemn You to death?
How can I watch them
As they beat You
And nail You to the cross?
How can I kiss Your feet,
The feet of my Saviour
Who died for me?
How can I stand by and watch
As the one I love,
The best friend I could ever have
Dies for me?
For me?
Why me?
I deserve that death,
My sin caused that,
I deserve the punishment.
You are blameless,
Spotless,
Innocent,
And yet You go to Calvary
In my stead.
And so I kiss the feet I love
And let the burning hot tears
Taste the flesh for which they so long.
I mourn my love,
My friend,
My Saviour.
But only for a while.
I fall,
I fail,
I sin.
Something small perhaps
A lie,
A mistake,
Eyes that wander
Over that which is not mine.
But it's enough.
It's a nail through Your wrist.
It's a metal blade
Slicing through Your back.
It's a little thorn
In a crown
Drawing precious blood from Your temple.
It's enough.
So I go
And once more beg Your pardon,
And You freely give it.
You take it on Your cross
Though it causes You
To lose Your grip and fall,
The weight of my sins
Heavy
Atop Your beaten back.
And I don't sin again...
...For a while...
...Until I do.
Back again to Golgotha
Do I go
To ask once more
For Your mercy.
You do not deny mercy.
You forgive my sins
The new ones
And those ones
I promised never again to do.
I tell myself each time
That I have finally learned from my mistakes.
Sometimes I lie,
Mostly to myself,
And keep doing what I please,
Throwing sin after sin at You
And still You take them
Not refusing me Your love.
The Passion,
Your Passion,
Drains my emotions.
But just once a year.
But You are not present
Only once a year.
You cannot be
My friend,
My love,
My Saviour
Only once a year.
You are with me always
Every moment
In everything I say and do
Only sometimes
I do not recognise You.
You come through my dreams,
I think them only dreams.
You touch me,
My face,
Tender,
Loving,
Healing,
I think it just a shiver.
You come to me
Small,
Delicate,
Vulnerable,
And at my worst,
Though my pounding heart knows better,
I think You mere bread.
I doubt.
I fear.
I sin.
But no matter what I do
You remain
Waiting patiently
At the door of my heart
To be welcomed back in
With a sweet
Repentant
Sorrowful
Kiss.