His Muggle Wife (A Severus Snape Love Tale)

Chapter 15: His Powerlessness

"I meant to say, since the first time you found me in that alley till now, I have never ever read your mind, though I am very skilled at it. I learnt to understand you as you learnt to understand a difficult person like me. Back to what brought up this conversation, I wanted to say, I didn't have to read my wife's mind to know she wanted me to shag her here right now."

"Severus Snape! I'm not that horny!" she denied his allegation but then laughed. She heard him laugh too and then felt him squeeze her hands in his. As her laughter died down, she started their conversation again, "I still stand by my opinion that your friends are weird. This one here just now threatened to kill you. Severus Snape, what kind of friends did you make at school?" she asked, as if teasing him.

"Apparently, the weird ones," he replied.

"Aren't you scared, Sev?" she asked again, this time in a softer tone, as if she was the one who was scared.

"Would you like me to sing you my answer to that?"

"Sev, I'm serious."

"If I died tonight," he started singing, "I'd go with no regrets. If it's in your arms, I know that I was blessed. The truth be told. Mer, you take my breath away, every minute, every hour, every day..."

"Didn't know you liked Westlife too. Thought you despised my choice of favourite music. By the way, you sounded... horrible," she said, choking almost at the end, and tried to laugh to hide it. Tears were streaming down her face when the only man she loved started the line of the song. Yes, he sounded horrible, for singing was not his forte, but she knew it was sincere; it was sung from the depth of his heart, the heart Lionel had alleged to be occupied not only by her, but also by another woman, a long-dead lover.

"So... what am I going to say to all your witch ex-girlfriends when they come to your funeral?" she said as she chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

He laughed. He was always impressed at how sometimes this woman could lighten any serious mood, both intentionally or unintentionally. "Don't worry, I have none."

"What about Lily?" she suddenly asked. He did not answer as if shocked at the mention of his deceased love interest by his wife.

"How did you..."

"Lionel told me," she confessed, "how come you never mentioned her to me? It's none of my business but... why did you say you had no girlfriend when I asked about your school-time romance?"

"Because... she was never my girlfriend."

"Never? But Lionel said you got him expelled because you wanted to get rid of him to get Lily."

"I was young... and stupid then. I was... jealous."

"Tell me about her."

"What?"

"Lily. Tell me about Lily. How special was she?" Meredith asked, concealing her jealousy of the dead woman with a casual tone, as if she was just curious.

"She was... a very nice girl. We were neighbours when we were little."

"Childhood sweetheart?" she asked and she felt him nod his head.

"She was to me. We went to Hogwarts together. She treated me well, like a friend should. I told you I was abused at home before. Lily... Lily treated me better than my parents ever did. And when I got bullied, she did what my parents never did for me – she defended me. And I loved her even more because of that. I wasn't the sociable type, you know. Neither was Lionel. While Lily was my girl best friend, Lionel was my guy best friend. It was just unfortunate we fell in love with the same girl. I got obsessed with Lily at some point, and when I found out that Lionel was thinking inappropriate things about Lily, I was livid. I felt that he betrayed my friendship, considering that he knew how I felt for Lily. I reported his behavior, behind his back. Presented a convincing case that he might hurt Lily the way he fantasized about her, and he was expelled after that."

"If Lionel was out of the way, why did Lily not become yours? After all those troubles of losing a friendship over her?" And if she did become yours, you and I would never happen, she added in her head with sadness.

"Because... she was never interested in me romantically. I was just a... friend to her. She... fell in love with the guy who bullied me."

"That sucks," she commented.

"And married him. Had a child with him." He stopped. Disappointment was apparent in his voice. Meredith squeezed his hands to comfort him. He then continued, "I... I was a bad man, Meredith. I wasn't this man you know now. I joined the dark side and..." he paused again, bowing his head. "And... I was responsible for Lily's death, and her husband's, at the hands of my then master. Her passing left me alone with an unrequited love and bitterness, and regrets. I couldn't stop loving her and my regrets followed her to her grave."

"Do you still love her?"

Silence.